What defines a wify material for a Christian Royalty?

Introduction

Today’s article is somewhat a controversial kind of thinking. It would not go well with everyone. Is probably never ideal to try making a list. However, this is not list making but listing an attribute where it already exist. Or probably, describing a kings wify like with Solomon in proverb 31. So enjoy reading and let me know if you want to add or remove from the list.

So, the following could define her

1. She has given her life to Christ (this is enough if you care).
2. Like Abigail, she is a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance (1 Samuel 25:3). Beauty is important as it suits you so you will not be open for a spoil whatsoever.
3. she is virtuous (proverb 31).
4. She is a jewel of inestimable. More than the proverb 31 woman, especially- She is far more precious than jewels. She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue… Proverbs 31:10-31
5. Strength and dignity are her clothing; she smiles at the future (Proverbs 31:25).
6. She has the fear of God (demonstrable). Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised- Proverbs 31:30.
7. She is a woman of faith. Faith and trust in God (2 Timothy 1:5).
8. She is modest and beautiful in her outlook, adorns herself in respectable apparel, and with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works (1 Timothy 2:9-15).
9. She is teachable and can listen.
10. She is humble, self-controlled, and respectful.
11. As the wife of a bishop-She is well behaved, sober, and honest (1 Timothy 3:11).
12. She lightens her environment with her smile. She has a joyful heart with a cheerful face (Proverbs 15:13).
13. She is peaceable with others and not a person of high look-proud or high expectation. Like in Rom 12:16: “she Lives in harmony with others. She is not too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And she doesn’t think she knows it all!” But her expectation is like those who trust in the Lord and live in the fear of the Lord. “My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him” (Psalm 62:5, KJV) “There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.” (Proverbs 23:18).
14. Someone who has passed through a verifiable process of making and discipleship. Who have learned how to handle people. How to be lead and how to lead. We all have different nurture and up-bring. We have a better chance and compatibility if we have passed through a common process of making and values.
15. She should be of good report and reputation, and from a family of brethren. In Genesis 24, Abraham tells his servant to go back to his homeland and find a wife for Isaac from Abraham’s country and Abraham’s relatives. And in 2 Corinthians 6:14, Paul admonished- Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? Compatibility is paramount too. There is beyond being a fellow believer or being good. I believe that two good people must not necessarily mean they would be good together. There has to be a step-up check on compatibility.
16. She is spirit-filled and with a contrite heart. The Spirit-filled life is the life of the Lord Jesus reproduced in us by the Holy Spirit. Is a life of calm, composure, and quiet confidence (Isaiah 30:15). Besides, everybody has a good and flawed part.  However, this does not mean a state of perfection. As 1 John 1:8,10 declares- if we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves… but someone who the Holy Spirit can convince, The Holy Spirit can prick her heart and can give her witness. So you can be sure that you can pray to God to help you convince her. Besides, no one can be 100%, but you should be sure that your love can cover for the gaps: once the basic safe-nets of salvation, spirit-filled and godliness is in place.
17. She is capable of lightening the home with her Joy and love. Such Joy can drive the man and the home to great heights and glory. Proverbs 5:18-19 captures this: “So be happy with your wife and find your joy with the woman you married – pretty and graceful as a deer. Let her charms keep you happy; let her surround you with her love.

The biblical mandate to husbands and wives is to seek your own joy in the joy of the other (Ephesians 5:25–30). Husbands are told to love their wives the way Christ loved the church. How did He love the church? Verse 25 says He “gave Himself up for her.” But why? Verse 26 says, “that He might sanctify” and cleanse her. But why did He want to do that? Verse 27 answers, “that He might present the church to himself in splendor!”  “For the joy that was set before Him [He] endured the cross” (Hebrews 12:2). What joy? The joy of marriage to His bride, the church. The joy of presenting the church to himself in blood-bought splendor.

When you love the person with whom God has made you one flesh, you are loving yourself. That is, your greatest joy is found in seeking the greatest joy of the other. So, a wify material is someone you can love till eternity. No managing, no pitying, not a decision to impress anybody, but your singular thought-out decision.

Conclusions

These are not making of rules, please! On a normal day, what you sow is what you reap, you get what you put in: input=output,… If you sow love, you reap love. If you treat her like a queen, you get a queen. If you treat her anyhow, you get anyhow.

Well, in all your getting, get you a bundle of JOY! A king’s bride!

The thoughts that ran through my mind the day I learnt the one I loved is taken

Introduction

John answered and said, A man can receive nothing, except it be given him from heaven.

John 3:27

For who maketh thee to differ from another? and what hast thou that thou didst not receive? Now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou glory, as if thou hadst not received it?

1 Corinthians 4:7

Early enough I learnt a very important lesson that ‘God does not show us what He cannot give us. If He eventually does not give us what he has shown us, then it’s because He has something bigger in plan for us. These thoughts and wisdom comforts me and helps me not to be desperate over the things I’ve seen or asked for.

This article is a question all through, even where it sounds assertive still consider it as a question, which can be answered, based on your opinion. Enjoy reading!!

What men ought to do?

 Was it by believe, then I believed beyond all gambles

If it was by faith, then I had faith beyond all hesitation

Perhaps my faith lacked works. Maybe there were no matching actions to portray the state of my heart. Oh no but I did expressed my heart, my mind was communicated, no thoughts was hidden. The plans were communicated.

Perhaps, the plans were the problem. I had communicated the plans to move in phases. Was going to propose in the next two phases.   The plan was well communicated and clarified. I promised to stick to a love I had found and to remain single eyed and land us through this plan.

My actions and efforts were they complete enough. What steps did I take to establish this promise that they were seriously serious? I never got a ‘we are in it together feedback’. These were the gaps in my works and a fault to express my love but left the expectations to fate without deliberate work to actualize it.

Any faith that depends on God absolutely for the expected outcomes is dead. So what lessons have I learned? Left for me I’d prefer to focus my mind until I’m done with the phases. Just be a good brother, a good friend to everyone around. Especially, I believed one should not be involved in a suffocating relationship until it is ready to do the very needful.

Then the society around seem to believe somewhat differently. The belief is that you do not have to wait for a perfect time to get serious but you can be purposeful and can relate through to the perfect phase. But wait, when you get serious, in many times does it leave room for the best interest of the dual?  A longtime courtship or engagement which is due to the man not being ready to do the next needful would leave the lady waiting and winking other attentions. Would this not mean locking up the woman or staging her for the unreadiness of the man? Should the man fail to get the needful ready as planned or something went wrong between the two in the process of waiting, wouldn’t the lady be at loss.

Well, this is faith, to choose to take the long waiting aisle. it means mutual trust and for the lady a faith in her man’s process. To think of, finding a woman when a man is ready-can also be misleading as pretense and faking loyalty could be the case.

Every man who is ready is qualified to have the best. Every man who is in the process deserves to be given the best if the process can be committed to Faith worked out.

What the lady Ought to do?

On the other hand, a valuable relationship is preserved by maintaining the purpose or redefining it. Not in pretense or silence in their everyday updated status. The two should be able to freely update the other on the current state of things. I believe that it is the HONOR and the dignity of a lady to say yes. It is the responsibility of the man to woo her Yes.  But why the Man woo, it is the respect for the man and an affirmation of his valuablity for the lady to update him where changes in status has occurred.

Guys can be vocal, many I would marry you and hundreds of I would marry you one day comes before the very will you marry me on the proposal date.

When a guy thinks futuristic, vocalizes futuristic, expresses hope for the future of the two to be together-if the lady whose honor it is to say yes thinks that she would never ever ever say yes or she’d changed her status, no longer available or is taking,  it is her honor to respectfully let the man know that there won’t be a future together for them.

Somehow something looks like ladies like being woowed, and enjoys as many of them are coming in their direction even when they do not have the room for it. Why say thank you rather than say hey, thanks for the nice words though am no longer single, and you know we can always be friends. This would do the guy a lot of good, it will reduce the obsessions, the pictures, and the thought of love in his mind about the lady. Because loving someone who is in love with another is like pouring water on a rock. It makes love a waste of time , which is not good for Christians.

Okay, I know many guys can be persistent. Nevertheless, while a guy may not take a lady’s NO simply and easily, most guys would give way at the presentation of another guy by the lady. God has put this natural jealousy in man, which would not let them swallow it.

Conclusion

So what am I saying?

Guys, take the ultimate action, get the commitment prior to the proposal readiness. For the benefit of doubts, do not suffocate the lady, leave room for the exit if in her best interest and choosing.

The ladies, when you exist please update the guys, don’t keep enjoying companionship and pretend like you’re still with them.

An updated relationship is simply redefined to a new or stepped down in purpose, not necessarily a cost for an enmity or offenses.

There are more reasons to stick together than marriage and parting ways is never an option for brethren.

Comment your answers.

Don’t chat me on this.

Thanks!!

CAN ANYTHING GOOD COME FROM NAZARETH: the danger of a single story

⁴⁵Philip found Nathanael and told him, “We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote—Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.”⁴⁶“Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?” Nathanael asked. “Come and see,” said Philip.⁴⁷When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, “Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.”⁴⁸“How do you know me?” Nathanael asked. Jesus answered, “I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you.” ⁴⁹Then Nathanael declared, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the king of Israel.” ⁵⁰Jesus said, “You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You will see greater things than that.” ⁵¹He then added, “Very truly I tell you, you will see ‘heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on’ the Son of Man.”(NIV)

John 1

 When your partner is a Nazarene and the conviction looks doubtful  

Prelude

From an early time when I started talking with her about a committed relationship, she would always recount to me indirectly about certain places and people’s groups she is not able to marry from because she won’t be given the go-ahead and how she had in time past refused to engage in something serious with such peoples group. Each time she says that I would be like, ‘what if is someone you truly like, love, and wants?’.  She would be like, ‘is it only from there that a nice person can come from for my liking and love?’ Meanwhile, for me, I feel that Love happens to people and when it does, reasons are less important because as the saying goes: ‘love is blind’.

I have witnessed practical examples of intending couples who did not receive the go-ahead-permit from the parent and seen how complicated it makes things. In most cases, I have seen tenacity and resolute resolve among the intending couple to pull through even when it requires waiting and applying patients. Because, before two people would come together for lifetime decision of marriage, something not ordinary would have in most cases happened to them. The woman must have happened to be the missing rib of the man. They would have had a soul tie and a peace together that seals their convictions. Thus, reasons to pull them apart are usually a trial/test they need to pass.

Fears of marrying into a people or persons of doubtful history or somewhat stigma (the Nazarenes) is not new but also always a story for the tale. Even Jesus had to share from such stigma status and history by coming from Nazareth, one of the lowliest places on earth-was not known for many good things.

My thought is, before any barrier is raised to stop intending couples from progressing to actualizing their desires, there should be proper discernment, checks, cautions, and re-examination of self to be clear that purpose and God’s intentions are not being strangled. It is not easy trying to stop what is meant to be. Intending couples who have found love and peace are like moving trains; it is not a normal thing to stand in their way. So, serious caution is warranted by all parties involved.

Meeting the Nazarene

But did this mean that parents should keep mute and not show concerns over who they are giving out their child in marriage to? Of course, no no nop. There is only the need for caution to avoid the ‘danger of a single story’ in Chimamanda Adichie’s words. Our lives, our cultures, are composed of many overlapping stories. Novelist Chimamanda Adichie tells the story of how she found her authentic cultural voice (the African ways) and warns that if we hear only a single story (a single narrative) about another person or country, we risk a critical misunderstanding. When Africans, for example, are treated solely as pitiable poor, starving victims with flies on their faces; her point was that each individual life contains a heterogeneous compilation of stories. The single-story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story. If you reduce people to one story, you’re taking away their humanity.

Especially, in this case-study, where it involves an individual person, there is a need to give attention to the person in question as a separate entity from the people’s history for every individual undergoes life processes and circumstances that make their own history. So, there is the need to meet the person, to examine this person, to discern this person, and understand this person. Besides, in the Christian faith, God requires us to see every believer as a new creation, different from the syndromes, symptoms, and stigmas of the worlds’ people. They are born again; they do not have the character of the world: they have the character of Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” This verse should not be forgotten or taken lightly at all because God’s dealing with those that seek His face is firstly a process of transformative molding. That we all would be like Christ, the Bible said: everytime we seek Him, we are beholding Him/Christ as a mirror, which is able to change us from glory to glory (). Our minds is also made new each time we study the Bible (). Again the Bible teaches that “every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving: For it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer” (1 Timothy  4:4-5).

The Nazarene disposition

And, so for the Nazarene, there is ought to be a mature, informed, and sensitive response and approach to this time and test.  Especially, for a stigma that is long and well known among the public. It would not be the fault of the other parent and they are not blamed for entertaining doubt about giving their beloved child to a stigmatized people’s group. Instead, a matured response would be one that identifies with their fears as reasonable, warranted and one that is expected. Personally, in my experience, I grew up not liking everything around me, especially after I traveled and came back. I felt like a messiah that is born to dedicate my life to bringing positive changes in this regard. And, regarding marriage; I long told myself that I would not marry from around. So, I totally understand it when it backfired to serve me my share. I felt like what I feared around is now feared in me.

With this understanding and mindset, the Nazarene ought to accept the stigma without any intentions to defend it as non-existence but should create RE-ASSURANCE about their uniqueness, difference, newness, transformation, re-orientation… they should be that good one from Nazareth. The Nazareth should understand the fears, ask for wisdom to build, create and establish that those things feared would not happen by letting them see how you would not give it chance to happen.

What the two should do

Trust God, and be prayerful

Go back to God who gave you the convictions to help you convince your people too.

God can change the hearts of man. Wait for God who can change all heart. He makes the crooked way straight ().

Decide if you are fully convinced to make it work

Our significant other with decisions made under God are pretty much irreplaceable persons in our life. They hold our joy and peace in a way that is unique and effortless. Besides, this persons represent a desired life vision, gives your life a scaling satisfaction… Such that, it will deserve the decision of the two to stick together, holding-on to pull through. Your unwavering oneness will help you pull through.

Decide to obey your people and continually act in obedience

The attitude of the intending partners is paramount here and needed to be deliberately helpful. Not everyone could stand such oppositions without giving up or reacting.

Provide all details and show your sincere decision and informed passion.

Confront your people with your reasons. Put your arguments forward. Even the Bible said ‘come let us reason together…’ Tell them the reasons why they should agree with you. Tell them this person is unique, different from the said stigma, godly, loving, god-fearing, committed… Sell the person to them! Tell them you are at safe hands with this person, how you are convinced you are taking the right decisions. Give details on the passion, love and joy you share, your compatibility of vision, companionship, similarity of training, beliefs and Faith. With all these details, you are giving them something to reflect on.

Consider involving third parties

Just like other life issues, people have their different personal ideologies of life but of they meet someone that is capable of talking with them (say your pastors or leaders), they might get more enlightened. People who will explain to them that, no stigma is generic, that the person in question is different. With God helping, others can help change their perspective.

Apply waiting, and be patient until your change comes.

For the peace and convictions you share with your intending partner, it will worth any wait and you can bear these pressure. Time hells heal doubts and weaken oppositions. Times of crises and fear are notable to bring doubts in your convictions. It might leave you introspecting wether their thoughts are right and you are the ones being stubborn. So, you could be pressured to doubt and give up on your convictions. Even in the Bible, while John the Baptist was in the prison, it got to a point when he began to doubt if Jesus Christ was the promised Messiah though he clearly got the convictions about Jesus before anyone else ().

Even Jesus Christ while in the to the cross nearly gave up but He bagan to pray to God for help and the that God’s will prevails (). This should be a good example for us too. If we made this decision under God, we should look unto Him for strength to pull through such a trying time.

Grace is multiplied

NKECHINYERE-A GIFT FROM GOD: the Nature of a Wife Given by God

House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.

Proverbs 19:14

In our last article, we came face-to-face with different ways to finding one life partner and we agreed that God has given Man the choice to search and find their wife but we also agreed and emphasized that God does not leave us without a guide in every sphere of our life once we have sincerely laid our life to His perfect will and authority. So, quoting from one of the elders in that group discussion, “he advised that we should want the one God chooses for us [His perfect will] over the ones we choose for ourselves”.  So, it is on this advice that we will review in the present article what features distinguish the partner given by God and why it should be desired.

And much more we would dwell on a gift from God, not merely about the will of God. A good analogy to differentiate the gift from God and the baseline will of God is the earthly examples where fathers send their kids on errand-say to wash their cloth, when they are done with the task they often receive favour from their father. This favour is a special gift, given only to them and not equally shared among the other children. Those equally shared among the children is the baseline will of God for His children called by His name. This is similar to the concept of ‘common and uncommon’ favour of God. Remember that the common favour of God is to all, like the sun and rain (Mathew 5:25) but God singles out some for a level of exceptional favour that is uncommon. Uncommon favour is not received ordinarily, you are positioned to receive it by a built-up of God’s Grace and mercy through Jesus Christ (Hebrews 6:10). A good biblical representation of Uncommon favour in the Bible is the account of Esther, especially regarding her affairs with Hegai, the eunuch in charge of the women (Esther 2:15), and of course, in her several encounters with the king. Besides, God’s blessings on His people are mostly in the platforms of a gift (John 3:27; 1 Corinthians 10:13), we have nothing but that which is given. Like we have the gift of salvation (Ephesians 2:8, John 4:10), the gift of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 12:1-31), all given by His Grace. Jesus speaking of the depth and the unspeakable riches of the Gifts from God, told the Samaritan woman that ‘If you knew the gift of God’… (John 4:10).

Thus, you would expect the typologies of a woman given by God to His royalties to be in its own class. There are no single words to describe her as is well captioned in 2 Corinthians 9:15 to be ‘His indescribable gift’. The Igbo word ‘NKECHINYERE’ is used here because of its deep connotation of ‘a special gift from God’. Parents usually give their babies this name to express a deep feeling of heaven-sent, delight, and appreciation of God the giver. Because if she is from God then it represents a complete package of God’s perfect will for the man and denotes the one God chooses. So in the sections that follow, we will examine closely the features that characterize the nature of a wife given by God.

She is the wisdom of God to the man

A woman given by God fits the definition of wisdom; she is prudence (Proverbs 19:14). The Bible says in Proverb 24:3 that ‘Through wisdom is a house built;..,’ then 14:1 added that ‘A wise woman buildeth her house’. So she is a port of wise and safe counsel (Proverb 24:6) and the man that God gifts her sees only rewards and his expectation is not to be cut off (Proverb 24:14).

She is a source of Sweetness

She is a source of natural sweetness to the man. She is capable of lightening the home with her beauty and love. Such sweetness can drive the man and the home to great heights and glory. Proverbs 5:18-19 captures this: “So be happy with your wife and find your joy with the woman you married – pretty and graceful as a deer. Let her charms keep you happy; let her surround you with her love.

She is the expression of God’s love

The truest test of love is one that mimics that of God for God is love. Have you ever met someone and you knew from the first time you saw them that they were your gift from God? Because in their eyes you can see your soul. And in their breath, you can feel your life. In their heart, you know your love is alive.

She is a valuable treasure 

A wife given by God is indescribable in value (2 Corinthians 9:15). She is his most valued treasure (Proverbs 18:22) and her price is far above rubies (Proverbs 31:10).

Perfect match

Such woman is able to complete the man; ‘…and they shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24) because being a gift from God, whereas God is the best matchmaker since He knows us all.

She brings an Abode of Peace

Peace is a vital component of human life and relationship. An environment of peace is needed for any progressive work and growth in life. So, when God gives a wife He gives the one that would bring peace to the man through her character of humility, gentleness, and patience towards the man and bearing him in Love such that they always have the unity of Spirit and are bonded in peace (Ephesians 4:2-3; Colossians 3:14).

She is a Helper

She fulfills her ministry of a helpmeet being one that has known God’s help. She makes the man whole and is able to help the husband become all that God wants him to be, in the same way, that God helps us become who he wants us to be.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Genesis 2:18

She would make the man better

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?”

Ecclesiastes 4:9

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Ecclesiastes 4:12

Loving her is effortless

Because is a tie made in heaven their love is deep and born out of the soul like in Song of Solomon 2:16 ‘I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine. 3:4: I have found the one whom my soul loves.’

She is Rare to come by

God’s gifts of wives are wise, excellent, and uncommon. They help build an exceptional home (Proverbs 31:10-31). She is the crown of her husband, …(Proverbs 12:4) and an avalanche of God’s Favour to the home (Proverbs 18:22).

She is trusted and Faithfull in all things

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:11-12). She is a Bishop’s wife; ‘Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things (1 Timothy 3:11).

She does him Good only

She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:12).

She is given to the Lord

God will not give something that will take His own away from Him. So, He gives a woman who fears the Lord’ (Proverbs 31:30).

Wrap Up

We should then desire and long that God gifts us our wife because if God gives us His trusted and molded daughters for a life partner, we would be sure that she would be the rereward of the man (Isaiah 58:8). She would be something to thank God for forever, something to cherish forever. GRACE!

DEALING WITH THE PROBLEMS OF DELAYS TO MARRIAGE

Introduction

This was a group discussion by the NATO 2021 volunteers present during week two on Wednesday, 13th October 2021. This group is characterized of Christians, born-again, and all tongue-speaking brethren from the different tribes of Nigeria. The questions of discussion was ‘BROTHERS OR SISTERS; WHO ARE THE CAUSE OF THE PROBLEMS OF DELAYS TO MARRIAGE‘.
The group was made up of more than 35 participants, with only five older persons who are married including a daddy in his 70s. The rest are single in their stated marital status. The discussion aimed to disclose from both perspectives of brothers and sisters what circumstances, events, and factors are attributable to cause delays in marriage among the young brethren. We believed that learning them from the two perspectives will guide each individuals to note what the others expect of them and correct their possible excesses.

Answering from the brothers’ side, a brother who is engaged in his stated relationship status posited that one of the things that lead to issues of delays in marriage is that many ladies that are praying for a life partner are not often working on their character. Their attitudes only cause men to fly away from them. There is an attitudinal position where it is very difficult for men to initiate rapport with women like in cases where the women refuse to share communication, contact, or friendship with their brothers probably because they are not their spec. A funny story was told about a sister who was approached by a brother that he loved her and would need them to be friends but the sister’s response to him was ‘more grace’. So, he wrapped up his points by saying that a lot of ladies play spirituality and religiosity over the issues of building a purposeful relationship.

The next contribution that followed was from a sister who is also single but not available. She vehemently stood to speak for the sisters and firstly posited that it sprouts from our relationships with one another. From our baseline relationship as brethren, when and where it is not necessarily for marriage. For instance, she lamented that asides from the organizations or the church businesses, some brothers would never call you to ask after your welfare or for the sake of checking on you. When you see their message or calls, you already know that there is information they want to pass to you. She continued that this was not the story we heard from our fathers and older members of the organization, in their case they bonded while, and after doing the work. Besides marriage, as a member of an organization with common passion and conviction, we should be able to build good Christian relationships and form formidable relationships among us. So, to conclude, she emphasized that beyond the work we have come to have done, we should be able to check on each other, show that we care about each other’s troubles. Some people go through issues and it is only in a close relationship you can share their concerns. These personal issues could be primary reasons why they may be ‘dragging a leg’ in the work expected of them by the organization such that by reaching out to them in the first instance, you are as well helping them stand strong for the common goals of the requirement of the organization. Again, beyond the relationship and marriage side, all of us are a functional part of a system brought together by God to help each other achieve our individual’s assignment on earth, lets bond together beyond the work here. You cannot know somebody if you do not bond, and this means you would not be able to identify a friend for marriage, which could contribute to the delays as you are supposed to marry from your friends, marry from your family.

She added that the second thing brothers do that can cause delays is importations; meaning bringing or going outside the organization to marry [this caused laughter and reactions from the group, the brothers echoed to the air that that was supposed to help grow the organization by the addition of more members]. She continued by arguing that marrying outside tends to take the members out instead. For her, marrying within the family is helpful to guide and protect the common goals and visions of the organization. The brothers need to open up and talk too; their problems and fears need to be communicated. For instance, if it is financial issues, our sisters are not lazy and they are not afraid to help the building process [everybody clapped and the brothers assured her that they have noted her advice].

Moving forward in the discussion, it was another turn to hear from the brothers’ perspective. This time, the brother that rose to speak stated single in his relationship status and promised to give a balance contribution, he cited the case of Isaac and Rebekah in Gen 24:62-67 to highlight that the two lifted their eyes; there was a lifting up of eyes, this is similar to the common rejoinder of praying and watching. He also emphasized the stories people tell about us. Unlike the common practice where ladies and guys keep books of expectations-‘my partner must be rich, tall, and handsome… when you count one-two-three, and the fourth criteria is missing you declare it null and void. He guessed that many of us still have such books but Rebekah lifted her eyes, and she did not stoop to check for number one-two…four criteria. So, for us to avoid the delays, it should not be the thing of what I want but the thing of what did God want for me out of this. Thus, the fault could be from both genders [this contribution was well received by both genders].

Another single brother rose to talk solely from the men’s perspective. He starts by saying that the common topic that God divinely gives a purposed wife and husband warrants a review in this light of delays in marriage. Does God say this is your wife? He argued that if God does that then there should not be the rampant cases of crises in the marriage that we get in today’s society [the moderator noted this as a question for another discussion]. Proceeding, he pointed out that in our waiting, we need to understand what it means to be waiting and what are the specific things required from us while waiting. Reading from proverb 18:22, which reads that ‘He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing’ he posited that though it is the responsibility of the man to go for a lady, it is pertinent that the ladies are well-positioned as wife material for such a man otherwise the chances that such a man may shift eyes to someone else is quite possible. And that it is arguable to say that it is who a man marries last that is his wife, not necessarily a subject of divine design but the searching and finding.

His third point was: what do the waiting single know; academically, spiritually, entrepreneur, and otherwise. More so, there are the aspect of being romantic in approach for the note of some brethren who believe that doing that is an act of carnality. There are also problems of specs; or desires of a dream partner and that of class like similar economic status and social network. He explained that we are normally not going to expect a partner from a network we did not belong.

Responding to his contribution, the moderator highlighted that the mention of ‘one’s conduct in the waiting times’ warrants special emphasis. The moderator added that when liking somebody, we could imagine what the person’s expectations of us are. Though it should not be bent on physical features and material values, yet it could be something as minute as carriage, career path, and more. In a way, we need to know that in our spirituality we should add more values. Spirituality should be a vehicle to do exploit in anything we lay our hands-on, not a standalone value.

Another response was deemed necessary to address some of the questions and positions he made to be sure that the group does not assimilate an opinion that is outside the truth. Thus, a daddy rose to respond this time. He explained that marriage is not a business idea that one could try two years or three and drop if it is not working. Thus, he emphatically disagreed with the position that God does not always have to tell the brothers who their wives are. This is a common question among Christians on whether there is a divinely stipulated partner for everyone. For this daddy, God would surely direct you the same way He would direct you on matters of your life and destiny like during business decisions. There are times God would not allow you to take a job opportunity because God knows the end from the beginning. Similarly, in marriage, there are lots of testimonies of people who God showed their partners and he cited that himself was an example and witness that God does tell us about our wife. However, he remarked that he is making these concerns so that the younger brothers do not miss the guaranteed way to knowing their life partner. He agreed that it might not be limited to hearing from God as many people have different ways God lead them. But he advised that we should want the one God chooses for us [His perfect will] over the ones we choose for ourselves. Besides, we cannot remove the hand of God when it comes to choosing a life partner-it is until death do you part and it is a decision with lots of bearing on your destinies. We should not do anything that we have not crosschecked with God on whether he wants us to do it.
In a way to build nexus between the two parties on the question of whether God tells the brothers who their life partners are, the moderator highlighted that in the Bible, God’s teachings were majorly on marriage and little information were made on the topic of relationship before marriage such that many thought leaders on the matters of relationship often use their personal opinion leaving rooms for a variety of teachings based on the persons’ approach to the topic of relationship. There are varied experiences. Often time we should always try to allow balance and check every point with the Word of God. For balance for instance, there exist teachings that God does not tell brothers who their wife’ is. This school of taught argues from Proverb 18:22 with emphasis on the word ‘FINDETH a wife’ meaning that God expects us to search. This school also argues that after Adam blamed God for eating the fruit he was asked not to eat because Eve gave it to him as in his response that ‘the woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree and I did eat’. So, teachers here argue that God did not continue to give wives to brothers because if anything goes wrong in the future they would want to blame God for their lots.

Continuing with the group discussion, another single sister took a turn to point out how brothers cause the delays though she agreed it is on both sides depending on the situations on the ground. For her, most times, it is what I [sisters] want and not what God is saying that delays them from saying yes. Another thing is what God wants you to do, have you find your purpose. When you know your calling is easy to check who fits that purpose even when many of them are presenting together. Secondly, for both gender, in cases where God shows you the person you are to marry, after making it known to her or through the marriage counselors, it is pertinent that you do not go home to relax in wait for her to bring feedback because there could be chances that the sister or brother is not positioned well enough to receive it. Instead, the brother or sister could also go back to God requesting Him to talk to the other party too. She ended with a question for the daddies [sorry there was no mummy in this group discussion]. Her question was whether God could be accountable for the common confusions brothers bring to sisters when more than one of them would approach a sister with the claim that God told them that the sister is their life partner.

To respond to her question, one of the daddies advised the brothers to seek building friendship even when God shows them who their life partner should be rather than choose to intimidate her with ‘God said’. For him in the point of making these decisions, it is pertinent that we encourage one another to choose to say yes or no comfortably without harm or coerces. That is, even if a close friend decides you are not the one God is leading them to, we should be able to encourage them to be fine with their choice. The same thing applies to families, mentors, leaders, pastors, and brethren. Even when you are engaged, until you say I do, you should support each to continually affirm their commitment to or not to proceed. This is because many people have pointed out that marriages that would fail in the future start showing the sign from the foundation. This means; often the potential couples would see the red and yellow flags but because of varied fears of what the public would say, who would be hurt, and what chances remain for them if they back out [especially for ladies who may fear that other brothers may not come]. These fears push young people to proceed in a marriage they are not comfortable with and convinced of.

In addition, he added that in building friendship brothers should be romantic [caring] not acting spiritual every time.
To answer the question on whether God is an author of confusion in those cases where more than one brother would approach a sister with the claim that God told them, another daddy addressed it thus: that we should test all spirit. For instance, God told Samuel to anoint a king in Jesse’s house. He did not give him the name David. Samuel almost made the mistake to anoint the wrong person until God said no. that is to say, your humanity could have a mix in your revelations or visions. Somebody could wake up from a dream where another is chasing them with a basket of flowers and they would want to conclude that surely, the Lord has spoken. Yet, it may not be that particular face that the dream is speaking of. Or it may be something else entirely. So, for the sisters, if you have a relationship with God and knows how He talks to you, it does not matter the number of guys coming, God would single the right person out.

At this point, though we were still boiling with many questions and matters to raise, we decided to pause and give the floor to the daddy that is in his 70s and 37 years in marriage, an international missionary, and Ph.D. holder. We needed him to summarize every point that has been raised and advise us as a daddy. He started by emphasizing that the issue of marriage should be handled with care. He admonished that we should not let marriage be the major purpose we are leaving life for. We should not make marriage our priority, especially sisters, when one makes marriage their priority, they would be at a risk to suffer for it.

Secondly, he explained that God deals with our sincerity of heart to accept His perfect will. And it is a major factor. He told us a story about a group of young believers who served God and fellowship-ed together in the earlier revivals in Lagos. Among this group were a brother and a sister that were very close to each other. Every one of them believes that they would get married. The brother too wishes beyond any barriers that he would marry her. However, the brother in his sincerity of heart wishes to follow the perfect will of God. So, at the point when he is to propose to the sister, he made a simple prayer that if the sister is the help God Has for his life and ministry that God should have her say yes but if otherwise God should have her say no. So, he came to the sister on plans and proposed to her but probably like the sisters usually do that tend to delays; the sister told him that aagh sorry, you are too late. I am already engaged but she was only playing hard to get. Meanwhile, her response was only an answer to the brother’s prayer. So, given her response, the brother left. Some weeks later, he met another sister and was prompted to propose having prayed as before. In this case, the sister’s response was ‘you know you are quite cute,.. and she said well, let me go and pray over it’. Within a while, when they met again, the sister said yes and they started a relationship. Few weeks following, the first sister complained to their pastor, said sir see what this brother did to me, he proposed to me, he did not allow me to give him an answer and he jumped to another sister. When confronted, the brother requested that she should be invited before the pastor to answer what response she gave him. In the end, it was true, her response was against her unknowingly as is in the cause of God.

To buttress this point the moderator noted that this is in agreement with the principle of Nay nay; Yeah yea; as in the second letters to the Corinthians, chapter one verse seventeen. Knowing that all things work together for the good of them that love God [Romans 8:28]; a ‘nay’ from a lady whether intentionally or otherwise should be received with thanksgiving and could be treated as that God is not approving that direction. I believe there should be no second thought, or second chance or second trial on this, especially when they gave you reasons for their ‘nay’ [I am speaking the Pauline now]. In this scenario also, it is pertinent that we encourage one another to choose to say yes or no comfortably without harm or coerces as explained previously.

The daddy continued through another story to explain that God deals with our desire, our sincerity of heart. In this story, he told us about another brother and sister who got attracted to each other but the father of the sister would not approve of it because he wanted the daughter to marry from the same tribe. The father expressed that it is better for her to marry a pauper of the same tribe than to marry from the other. In cases as this, only your sincerity for the perfect will of God can get you through such barriers. For this sister, she prayerfully let his father understand that she is a Christian now, and she is comfortable with the brother who is born again and fears the Lord. In Christ, there is no Jew nor gentiles. We are all one.

He added by advising that one should avoid pressure, and though marriage can be sweet, it can also be difficult and there are no perfect marriages but the couple has to build it up. Marriage is work!

Wrap up

In a way to wrap the session up, the moderator reemphasized that the matters of marriage warrant that the young people listen to the older ones who through experience and study of the truth have gained counsel. Secondly, young people need to allow their minds to get calm and receive clear directives. Because most times there are lots of pollution, there are lots of troubles. Since this is a lifetime decision and sometimes it could less direct as obtainable in other life matters. Furthermore, young people should try to cut down their big expectations, someone has raised the issues of ‘what did I want and what did God want’; young people should know these two and try to allow the two to agree. It will help to reduce the gaps causing the delays. This is because life is like a ladder; people keep looking up and hoping to climb higher. Let us take a simple logic; everybody has somebody that likes them, and everybody has someone they like. Until the person you like becomes who like you, that is when the delay problem is removed. So, let us continually strive for that perfect will of God and in His own time and not being pressured.

lastly and in response to moderator’s assertion about everyone having whom they like, Daddy seized the opportunity to advise sisters that they should not get so much attached to a brother to the point of assumption, especially public assumption. Is dangerous, a lot of sisters have been put to trouble for that, because they were assuming, as they are always close, every time, everywhere they are going together but suddenly the brother could end up not choosing her for marriage. As much as sisters should not exhibit behaviours that cause more delays to marriage, they should also avoid the tendency to give themselves freely to the brothers.

Happy reading.
Do share your thought.

LET’S GO A FISHING

Come let your light flood the nations

How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher?  10:15 And how shall they preach, except they be sent? As it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!

Romans 10:14

Is another SOWERS season of soul harvest; from the individual SOWERS members to the chapters, the zones, and at the national level. The harvest is ripe and due for in-gathering. The great commission is sounding LOUD to us all who have received the manifold mercy of His salvation.

We must arise: come one come all! Like the Joshua army, let us match on to the field for the in-gathering.

Yes! It is a call for all believers.

The great commission reads thus; Go ye, therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: (Matthew 28:19).

The command is GO. There is no option to stay.

Somebody said: if there should be a need for a special call, it should be a call to stay. Until that call-the standing order is GO.

The Christianity that we read in the Bible and, that handed to us by the western was a mission going Christianity in an expressional Church. However, in recent days we have a shift toward an institutionalized church plus many worldly preoccupations on believers, such that there had become a need to take a deliberate effort to do the work of a missionary. A missionary is simply someone who goes to the field to begin the task of establishing, grooming, and publishing indigenous believers.

This need for deliberacy is rooted in the birthing and history of today’s missionary agencies. For instance, in SOWERS, the vision was caught by a group of non-denominational, Christian, campus friends who reasoned within themselves that why should they take a holiday to their various homes or remain in school and maintain their routine fellowship services when therewere people in the villages who had not had the opportunity to hear the gospel for once. Therefore, they teamed up under the coaching of a missionary discipler and journeyed to the field. Their experience was heaven on earth; it was irresistible to say they would not continue with that in subsequent holidays until it graduated to a vision: the SOWERS we all meet and find fulfilling today.

So, Why the field?

The field has the characteristics of being vast with a large number of souls ripe and waiting for a potential harvest. The point of deliberacy in choosing a field includes that while one could do evangelism along the street for a yearlong and probably win three souls. In a mission field, a deliberate concerted effort for 3 days can bring in more than 100s souls. God, Himself leads us in choosing a field, which He has prepared for a great harvest. God comes down Himself to draw great harvest unto Himself in the field. This is illustrated in John 21:3-6. Also in Luke 5:4-6;

⁴“When Jesus had finished speaking, He said to Simon, “Put out into deep water and let down your nets for a catch.” ⁵“Master,” Simon replied, “we have worked hard all night without catching anything. But because You say so, I will let down the nets.” ⁶When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to tear.…^10b And Jesus said unto Simon, Fear not; from henceforth thou shalt catch men.

Another like it, is the deliberacy in choosing the Labourer.

A Labourer is someone skilled in his profession. Every profession has its skillset. The Bible in 1 Timothy 6:12 and Hebrew 4:14 described the work of ministry as our noble profession. If it is our profession, this means there are skills required of us. Different skills are required for different people’s groups, different strategies in different settings. Thus, there is deliberate attention to the skill sets.

There are needs for MORE Labourers, “the shortage of labourers has not been more pronounced than it is in our generation. We could still restate the words of Jesus …The harvest truly is great, but the labourers are few: pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he would send forth labourers into his harvest. Luke 10:2

The most pressing needs is labourers!

The labourers are few because not every Christian is a Labourer, not even every pastor is a labourer. Some missionaries are not even labourers. Is ridiculous, but it is true. The labourers are few!

A laborer sees positivity, sees his job surmounted even before putting in the sickle.

He surmounts obstacles, sieves out the challenges of weed and chaff to bring in the harvest. i.e: he does everything to bring in the harvest. One of our uncles in Sowers often uses a Palm Winer tapper to explain a laborer. The Palm-wine tapper could climb a very tall Palm tree effortlessly.

Such struggle free and satisfying experience is a typical reality of a skilled labourer.

Thirdly, the field also ought to be focused on reaching a defined unreached people’s group. So, while we have many Igbo and Yoruba Christian Believers in Nigeria for instance, Salvation is also for the Kanuri tribe, the hausa-fulani, the chads, the Arabians, etc. The bible in Matt 28: 19 describes the peoples group as a nation. The gospel must be preached in every nation before the second coming of Christ (Matthew 24:14 ). Thus, there has to be a deliberate effort in getting the good news to them too.

Again, the work of mission is a deliberate effort to take the gospel to places where ordinarily it will not reach. People are often naturally cut-off by geographical barriers like water (those who live on water), mountains, poor road network, and other infrastructure, unfavorable climate or and weather terrain. Also, the hostility of the peoples’ group and policies that are set up to check on the work of the ministry; anti-Christ policies and closed system religious blocs by religious fanatics. As well as checks and balances over the member of the community, that makes their freedom of worship taken and causes them to adopt a closed heart towards the gospel.

These barriers notwithstanding, the Bible said these harvests are ripe. The barriers do not make them less unripe but riper for the harvest. There is a need to take the gospel to them in a way they will understand. Actually, the 10/40 Window often called “The Resistant Belt” which includes the majority of the world’s Muslims, Hindus, and Buddhists are not the most unripe places.

Instead, they are the most ripped harvest. Their presentation as resistant is only but an agitation calling forth for labourers.

The more resistant they become, the riper they are…

As Jesus did, seeing the multitude scattered like sheep without a shepherd—watch the next thing He called them—RIPED HARVEST.

We too should begin to view these groups with a positive mindset.

Taking the gospel to all of the unreached places in not only possible, it is a task that must be carried out by us-man. It is also not a matter to be taken casually, on a loose note, it should be a matter of life and death.

The sounds of these ‘deliberacies’ may look like missions is going to be a demanding task to do. We read about great missionaries to Nigeria for instance, some of whom died in the cold hand of malaria. And we read the difficult prison experience that characterized the Pauline missionary journey as well as the early church Believers. But what is more, to say is that Christian missions are also a fulfilling Christian task, brings one face-to-face with the very concerns of God and a field experience comparable to the pedagogical bringing of theory to practice with evidence and witness of His presence that is comparable to none. Christian missions are also a discipleship task. As Jesus sent his disciples two-by-two, the mission is a training ground for Believers. It puts one in a process of facilitated spiritual maturity.

Besides, while missions might not be all bed of roses, in SOWERS’s vision and strategies, a particular effort is made to demystify that hard to do factor attached to missions. Such that, in SOWERS  everyone can do the work of God through missions. Aside from the popular saying of ‘if you can’t GO, GIVE or PRAY’, in SOWERS we use our professionalism to strategically pass the message of God’s love. Thus, we have teachers, doctors’ veterinary doctors, other medical professionals, engineer, businesspersons, leading agriculturalist, tech and computer skilled brethren who add to their day-to-day office requirements-the sacrifice and responsibility of voluntary short-term service to places where the gospel is being deliberately sown.

Yeah! We consciously go into the world with our diver’s giftings, skills, and GRACE to make known the knowledge of the Glory of our God to all creations in all nations.

This short-term component in SOWERS missions also defines another attempt to simplify missions and make them doable by all. While a typical missionary may stay in the land for all many days, SOWERS would organize a chain of volunteer missionaries to consistently visit a field and enthusiastically do the work of ministry on that field until the gospel is established and local missionaries are raised to maturity to take over the evangelical work.

Simply put, in SOWERS everyone can be a missionary. It does not matter the time you can spare, we go for outreaches in one day, weekends, one week, one month, and a year-long duration as the needs and resources at our disposal permit. where necessary, we share resources and form a connected chain of teams to sustain a long-term deliberate mission work in a given field. Yes, we do not spread the seed and leave it unwatered.

So, we invite you today. Are you a believer, then you can serve God as a missionary too. Come on board, the harvest is ripe, the Labourers are few! Let us go a fishing now, for the Masters task requires haste.

Ask questions on how you can join today…

Removing the veil in Christian relationship

When you remove the veil, you see the truth, the facts, and the deceit.

sunstev

Introduction 

Life is an ongoing drama. However, for Believers, every drama contains within it a deep message and a depth of lessons for the people involved to search out.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

It is the glory of God to conceal a thing: but the honour of kings is to search out a matter.

Proverbs 25:2

This article is aimed at emphasizing the importance of the bearing of our Day-to-Day experiences on the mystery of what is permissible and in a journey towards the perfect will of God. Described here is an accidental revealing of the right person from an unprecedented dramatic week. Also, a friendly unbiased rapport, which would later be searched out for a deep lesson.

The drama week

It was particularly a week of many dramas, which many thoughts and lessons have aroused. It is part of the week’s drama that produced the last article.

The drama started with sarcasm from my two uncles, almost simultaneously; one was holding the conversation with me on WhatsApp while the second was with me physically. It was an unveiling of their perceptions about me. To them, I was always serious and focused on achieving the set goals, especially added to my personal troubles. So my uncles and mentors were all perplexed, they had one question in their mind: ‘who is your female friend’? It doesn’t look like he is serious about anyone… One of them had to quote Matthew 19:12 for me. He said, you know that verse that says that “For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake… So he asked, are you one of them who have decided to remain a Eunuch for the sake of the work of the Kingdom?

I responded in laughter… I never saw that sarcasm coming, especially we were in the middle of something serious. Albeit, I wasn’t surprised. The first uncle had chatted up making a recommendation, he was like ‘why not consider this lady for a help-meet, she’s well endowed for it’. My response too was a laughing emoji 😂😂. But he was serious, he said ‘am not joking though’. So, I told him ‘alright Sir’ but I am not yet ready for that now and I like someone else. His response: ‘ooh, you do?’ was my first amusement 🤗. Like who did not like someone!? That was how overzealous I seemed to look. Hmmm!.

Thus, the first drama ended with my uncles insisting to know who this person was. They were all in suspense and insisted I should give them a name. Initially, I responded with hesitation. I tried to let them know the level of relationship I had reached with the person, being insignificant, I explained there was no point calling names. We are a family of many young people; we are brethren. So, they wanted to hear the name of one of the brethren. At the end they worn, I gave them the name. It was my seventh year of friendship with her and I have in several occasions tried to express my intentions to her but I’d not gotten a ‘we are in it together kind of feedback’. It was a cool idea for both of them; however, they advised I needed to get more serious. One of them was like, ‘you will be doing friend friend and someone else will come and do the needful.

That was the end of the first drama. And, I never knew that that was just going to be the beginning of what would later turn to a drama week. For me, the first drama was the humorous reality of having people mistake me on something I am completely the direct opposite. I love love 😂. Love is my primary advocacy. I believe that love in human relationships be given a good priority. As far as I knew, I am a relationship activist. I am madly interested in a virtuous and strong lady. I am a proponent of early marriage too.

I was only being single-eyed and focused having grown up being shy and not having much to do with Ladies. I was okay with just knowing what I wanted. So, I wasn’t surprised that they misunderstood me that way.

Nevertheless, the second phase of the drama rather proved my uncle’s right. They had initially queried, does this person know you love her? What have you said to verify her thoughts about your intention? What commitments do you have from and with her? How often do you speak and hear from her? Does she know that you love her?

My uncles were somewhat right, even though I have always heard from her, and had often expressed my heart and my seriousness, the facts remained that I had no commitment from her. I had not got reasons to believe we were in it together and most times I have not asked deliberate close-ended Yes or No questions. I was not seriously pressing for it because I felt I wasn’t ready, I thought I shouldn’t be desperate, I thought I should wait a little more to be ready for the needful.

SO, I was still in the brainstorm of how to go work out something with her, when the second phase started almost simultaneously. The fact that everything was happening at once made it even more interesting too. It was her BD and I have traveled from west to the east to grace the moment and probably make some pivotal conversation to address the questions my uncles have raised.

On that BD I had come with lots of expectations. Many questions to ask, memories to reflect on, new memories to create, many things to say, and to verify her end to be sure what to tell my uncles. Not because I was trying to please them or to follow their pressure but because they have opened my eyes to the truth. The veil previously on it, hiding in the form of unreadiness is fallen off. I could read through the truth, the facts, and the probable deceit… Besides I had to listen since I was not going to be a Eunuch!.

 I was close to what would later be the third scene, where my top goose pimple was busted when the second phase unfolded through a telephone call from a friendliness, someone who means so much. I’d known her for ten years past in good friendship. I’d tried to express my love to her earlier but she explained there was someone else. Because she meant so much, we had to redefine our friendship to that of siblings: totally zero emotions. As a sister then I confided in her in many matters. She knew my friends, including the BD friend. In fact, she’d turned to my hype woman, always hyping me that the BD friend was going to be a good fit for me… So, similarly, that day, while I was in the peak of the drama and suspense of seeing the BD friend, she called me. She had seen on social media that it was her BD, coincidentally she also had a dream that night, where I was proposing to the BD friend. According to her dream, it was a beautiful scene and we were so happy together. Aaagh!. I responded with all the exclamation. I tried to deride her, saying you have come again ba‘. But she was serious, is her first time seeing me in her dream. She didn’t know I had taken the journey to see the BD friends that day. So, I opened up to her. I also told her of the drama that has been unfolding that week. I told her that though I would be seeing the BD girl the next day, I totally don’t see her dream coming true. Especially, I was not ready and my friendship with the BD girl has not come to that point where such a dream can be in the picture. Even though she had hyped me to make her dream come to pass, when I was done explaining my unreadiness she seemed to share understanding with me: because at the end of the conversation I asked her-so, what do you advise me to do tomorrow? Her answer was simple: you are not ready. So just have fun…

That was closer to the end of the conversation when I decided to pull her leg a bit. I ask told, whereas you have decided to be my hype woman, hyping me to go talk to the BD friend when you could simply be my woman. I let her know that I actually have more flow talking with her but she refused to understand it. She rather argued that that doesn’t matter, it could be because of shyness or because has long chosen to let the emotions aside.

At this point, I was going to ask her to gist me about her own relationship too. From the last time she told me she had somebody else, I had chosen to respect her space and I constrain myself not to talk about it. But today, I asked her in a personal tone to gist me. She sincerely told me that that person didn’t work out. Simply, she is single. I couldn’t say much. We just made jokes over it.

That closed the scene for the second drama, opening the curtain for the third phase, which unfolded in an hour space. I was still awake trying to chat and respond to some chats when I saw in my status a romantic BD appreciation post from my BD friend that spoke much volume about her relationship status. Remember I had come down to see her on her BD and the date was shifted to the next day. So, it happened that without me asking the questions from my uncles, I was dished the answers in a treble broadcast… did my heartbeat skip? Hahaha! I expected something close to that happening. So, I wasn’t completely surprised. However, my reflections on it dawned on me the reasons for the concerns my uncles had raised. It dawned on me, the one I love is taking. What am I going to say to my uncles? Why just now, why not earlier. I had mixed feelings.

In the first action, I let my hype woman know about it. I told her, now all your hypes have ended- ‘make I rest’. She tried to express some sympathy; in her words, ‘wow! This one pain me o!  

That was the end of the drama then. Of course, since life is a continuous drama, it was also the beginning of a new drama. So, the next day I saw the BD friend as scheduled. I confirmed the obvious; she is taken! We had a great time talking, recited to her all the drama that I had had through the week, made most of the moment, and reassured we would always be great pals. I was not going to feel bad about a decision that makes her happy, I want the best for her and her happiness.

Remember the new drama that was birthed, I would describe in my next article. It will be a revisit to the dream. When my hype women told me that nothing spoiled, I concord with her, but pointed out that only the dream spoiled, then I added: except you did not understand the dream. I suggested then that we should consider the dream again.

Conclusion

Yeah! I was not going to take the week for granted. I had to take my lessons. Everything happening at once; the unveiling of my BD friends relationship status, knowing that someone I still loved is single, such a crucial time when I had to choose to re-visit my readiness. Somehow I just felt everything has happened for a lesson, I had to pick up the lessons and search out for more and share with my readers too!!

So this is the summary of this article, why God works out everything for our good we should be attentive and know when to be deliberate to put up some effort to make sure that God’s plan for us comes to pass. Everything is not going to be fair and rosy before we act. We should trust God to finish if He wants to start a thing. We should close our eyes on our fears and go get the deed done!

Thanks for reading!!!

IS LOVE A WASTE OF TIME?

Love such as the engrossing, obsessive, elusive, vulnerable, passionate and emotional cloudings is a common sentiment.

When you are in love, including the earlier phase of marriage-the excitement phases; it seems like nothing else counts in life. The clock no longer tickle, the time becomes infinite, the sun no longer rises, the sky seems brighter, life appears rosy, the birds sing more beautifully and the times even tastes better when you have someone to share it.

Contemplation of love is a very opportunity cost for time. Time as a resource in human capital is expended in love contemplations.

This makes love a liability and consumer of useful times at the expense of creative task, innovative adventures, explorative thinking, educative tasks, skills acquisition, growing in knowledge, executions of ideas, idea generation, fellowship with God, restful and refreshing sleeps,…; because one is obsessed with the idea of love.

That love is a waste of timeis a hard truth, though not sacrosanct for all, there are many reservations-many other sides to it where you may want to disagree. In this article, we would explore the both sides.

WHEN IS LOVE A WASTE OF TIME?

• Love is a waste of time when/if one is concerned with finding love than with finding life worthy of love.
• Love is a waste of time when/if one is not ready with the realities of love and it’s essence.
• Love is a waste of time when/if one is under-age, a teenager, young youth who is yet to find purpose can obviously not make anything out from love.
• Love is a waste of time when/if LOVE is conservative and suffocating. Where there’s no space for one’s life.

Why Love Is a Waste of Time

Being engrossed with love is a total time wasting and loss of concentration on the things that would have matter at that time.

Love is a waste of time because it can turn into a Full–time job. Is it not a full-time job? When do you want to text every day? calls over and again? Getting together and breaking up with one and another over and over? give unsolicited praises? pretends to be an ideal and coolest person? time spent contemplating whether you are still loved? worries? dramas? fight? confusion? many clarifications? frequently dating and hangouts?

How come those are not full-time jobs? Such a time screwing!

Love is a waste of time in the face of its opportunity cost–pursuit, passion, hunger for God.

Fellowships with God unlike the contrary produces speed to meet up with ones purposeful life pursuit. The contrary, which is the fellowship of an emotional relationship, companionship, gistiology, etc., only whirl away the precious times.

All love is factually not a waste of time neither is love even a waste of time for everyone. However, emphasize is that it is often a distraction and completely unnecessary. After all, how many middle school and high school students marry their sweethearts? Was it really necessary to go through a string of partners during and after school when you are not willing to settle down until you are 25 or 30? What is the point of all that time?

How to avoid the love that wastes time

How do one avoid wasting time in love?
Who would say throw away love. To love, to be loved is God. We always meet each other with smiles, for the smiles is the beginning of love. True as it is-the best relationship are the ones you never saw coming. It just emerges.

To avoid wasting time in love and the love that wastes time, one cheap advice is; don’t donate emotions before life pursuit.

The second like it is; don’t make the relationship suffocating.

This way, time spent loving someone is never a waste because no matter where they end up, or where you end up, people never forget those who loved them. YEA, when the fog clears, people recognize the difference between those who loved them and those who didn’t.

When love is not a waste of time

• Love is not a waste of time when/if life and love agree together.

You can have a beautiful life without marriage/love. This is important and should be taught in the churches.

Presently, the church is marriage-oriented. When they announce a marriage ceremony-is like heaven is announced, when they are praying for a lady-no need for discernment, they already know the proper prophecy to give-of the dream man.

There is an over-emphasize on marriage.This needs to be de-emphasizied.

We could just live life and let love fall where it may. But our impatient and fears will not let us. And as we are wasting so much time trying to find it, and especially as we do, life is passing us by.

• Love is not a waste of time when/if LOVE is unconditional and selfless.

How to know you are ready to Love

• When you have a healthy expectations of love. Not as it is shown in the Hollywood.
• When you have a realistic concept of love
• When you have built a positive attitude and outlook toward life
• When you have built the ability to communicate your feelings and to attend to another’s feelings.
• When you have built a good spiritual foundation and goals.
• When you are ready to accept responsibilities.
• When you are ready to handle the emotions. The emotions doesn’t die-it is still there in true love.
• When you have built good tolerance.
• Readiness to handle life crisis, uncontigencies.
• Strong willed to take up tasks and challenges.
• Readiness to marry one’s goals and another’s together.
• Readiness to manage one’s and another’s character.
• Financial readiness.
• When you have grown in wisdom, fortitude and sustainability beyond financial dependency.
• Courage over fears of the unknown and insecurities.
• Bendable. After you have built all this, still being teachable, humble, and not being stiff in ensuing circumstances.

Since love cannot be the focus of life dreams, Love should come after one have got what it takes to be a partner, keep a home and be a help to another as well as to oneself.

The bible is explicit about what should engross us, the kingdom of God. Thus, don’t be in pressure amidst. A good pressure is pressure towards God’s given purpose.

But no. Our fears won’t let us. We just want it-LOVE like in the zeeworld.

WRAP UP

LOVE is not a waste of time infatuation is.

Relationships too are not waste of time, it’s unready and unrealistic claims to love.

Love as a feeling is best when it is true and worst when it is fake.

Do share your thought
Grace to you.

My acknowledgement goes to Udochi Agomou for the inspiration to this article.

LOVE WITHOUT DISSIMULATION

Introduction

Living a love life naturally requires an understanding of the importance of honouring one another.

Dissimulation, as used in the bible verse of Romans 12:9, depicts love that has a preference, ulterior motives, love that is shown for a momentous reason. Or acting up, forming, biased, with respect of man. It also meant love in pretense. A very good example of such a love expression is romantic love.

Text: Romans 12:9-10, 13:8 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.

Living a Life in Honour

In honour, we effortlessly fulfill Apostle Pauls’s bidding in Ephesians 5:21, ‘Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God‘. Honour has to do with estimations; our calculations of the worth of others, including our value for their seeming physical worth.

Naturally, we highly esteem and regard people that we have a preference for and people that we assume to be of inestimable value. Like a successful person, a beautiful sister, their social status, one’s earnings or your friends and people who esteem us right, and whatever parameters we choose for our calculations.

But that’s the natural man, always looking for physical and logical reasons to honour another in love, with dissimulation.

For the spiritual man, loving without dissimulation starts from understanding the worth of one another in the most spiritual perspective:

• The perspective of the man in Christ; what is the worth of the man in Christ? ~they are bigger than any parameters you choose to measure them.
• The perspective of the love of God; how much does God love us all? ~without preference, He loved us all SO MUCH that He gave US His ONLY begotten SON (John 3:16). The bible verse of Romans 5:8 reads-‘But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.’ Just as God loves us without analyzing the different weights of our sins, He also commanded that we love one another without choosing natural reasons to do so. .., That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another(John 13:34).
• The perspective of your own worthlessness without Christ and your daily needs for the upholding of His mercy and Grace.
• The perspective of the vanities of physical life. ‘I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit. Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity‘ (Eccl 1:14, 1:2).

Don’t bring people down to a physical sense

You remembered those times when you needed to walk out on people, or you sighed on their mischievous attitude, those times when you asked questions like; who do you think you are? what can you do? and when you made comments like; do your worst, serves you right, abegi…etc.

Such times follow after you might have reduced such persons to your physical senses. You have analyzed them and tagged them as nothing. This is not a character of the man in Christ.

The Pharisees were in it when they reduced Jesus to the natural sense-read their words in Matthew 13:55-57 ‘Is not this the carpenter’s son? is not his mother called Mary? and his brethren, James, and Joses, and Simon, and Judas? And his sisters, are they not all with us? Whence then hath this man all these things? And they were offended in him. But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country, and in his own house‘.

When people tempt you, refuse to be negatively influenced, Learn to do what the bible said in … Ephesians 4:2 With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love.
Proverbs 25:15 By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone.

Don’t hold back your love, that’s your debt towards all men.
The purpose of this article will not allow me to talk about honour to parents, honour to superiors and spiritual heads…

The essence of love without dissimulation is that you get unlimited blessings from God and you are favorable towards men, especially in situations where you’d never imagined it coming.

WRAP UP

Don’t bring people down to a physical sense.
See people from a spiritual perspective; who they are in Christ or the measure at which God loves them.

This way, your honour for persons like Zuckerberg would not be anything different from the honour you have for-say ‘your father’s employees’.

This is love without di-ssi-mu-la-tion.

Shalom!

Forgiveness; The Keys to a Lasting Relationship

Introduction

It baffles me how two persons will be friends for years or in a relationship for months, never thinking they needed to part ways until suddenly something happens and you see them label themselves as wicked, heartless and worthless just based on a single event.

I believe it’s unfair to judge someone’s character by one event and forget all others. In school all of us were never judged by a semester grade point (GP). There could be a semester we were horrible, maybe due to challenges with a course, a lecturer, accommodation, or even sickness and the notice board gives a wrong
picture of your intelligence.

The school never picks out our worst semester and use it to form their
basis for the grade of certificate to be awarded us; they take every semester equally into consideration and that is what is called a cumulative GPA (CGPA).

It takes years to build and judge. We also need to judge people close to us based on the consistency and generality of their character not on one bad act.

Many relationships suffer because the persons involved never take note of the good done as they take note of the bad actions. I have seen people want to break up for very flimsy reasons. I have seen people hold offense for years over one incident.

Someone calls you often. Helps you out when you need help.
Supports you.
Gives to you.

But one day, you fell ill, informed him and he never called to check up on you, he didn’t come when you
lost your relative and because it pained you, you just had to cut of “bad energy”.

But before you conclude that a person is not worth associating with, have you taken a book and write
down all the good things about that person. All the sacrifices they made for you?

When you start doing this, not only that you will have a fair judgement but you will deliver yourself
from the lies your mind feeds you.

You will have more reasons to hold a conversation with the person about what happened than holding an offense.

It’s very unfair for you to have amnesia concerning the good things people did for and to you once they
fall short of your glory. You talk about them as though they have been bad all through the years you knew them.

Whenever someone who has been good to me acts up, when I remember all the amazing things the person has done and how they outnumber the bad, I tend to make excuses for them myself.

I know that forgiveness is something we should keep giving regardless. But forgiveness becomes easier when we pay attention also to how amazing
people have been to us all along at that moment they couldn’t keep the same energy.

If you have former friends who an event ended your friendship with them, can you take a moment and
recall the amazing part of them, the times they sacrificed for you and see if you graded them cumulatively or based on one action.

Some of us have never told our friends how grateful you are to have them in our life but we will scatter
everywhere when they miss it once, and many times the persons that do this are those who are forgiven
and understood the most by their friends.

Think on it @relationshipmattersedestephen