What defines a wify material for a Christian Royalty?

Introduction

Today’s article is somewhat a controversial kind of thinking. It would not go well with everyone. Is probably never ideal to try making a list. However, this is not list making but listing an attribute where it already exist. Or probably, describing a kings wify like with Solomon in proverb 31. So enjoy reading and let me know if you want to add or remove from the list.

So, the following could define her

1. She has given her life to Christ (this is enough if you care).
2. Like Abigail, she is a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance (1 Samuel 25:3). Beauty is important as it suits you so you will not be open for a spoil whatsoever.
3. she is virtuous (proverb 31).
4. She is a jewel of inestimable. More than the proverb 31 woman, especially- She is far more precious than jewels. She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue… Proverbs 31:10-31
5. Strength and dignity are her clothing; she smiles at the future (Proverbs 31:25).
6. She has the fear of God (demonstrable). Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised- Proverbs 31:30.
7. She is a woman of faith. Faith and trust in God (2 Timothy 1:5).
8. She is modest and beautiful in her outlook, adorns herself in respectable apparel, and with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works (1 Timothy 2:9-15).
9. She is teachable and can listen.
10. She is humble, self-controlled, and respectful.
11. As the wife of a bishop-She is well behaved, sober, and honest (1 Timothy 3:11).
12. She lightens her environment with her smile. She has a joyful heart with a cheerful face (Proverbs 15:13).
13. She is peaceable with others and not a person of high look-proud or high expectation. Like in Rom 12:16: “she Lives in harmony with others. She is not too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And she doesn’t think she knows it all!” But her expectation is like those who trust in the Lord and live in the fear of the Lord. “My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him” (Psalm 62:5, KJV) “There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.” (Proverbs 23:18).
14. Someone who has passed through a verifiable process of making and discipleship. Who have learned how to handle people. How to be lead and how to lead. We all have different nurture and up-bring. We have a better chance and compatibility if we have passed through a common process of making and values.
15. She should be of good report and reputation, and from a family of brethren. In Genesis 24, Abraham tells his servant to go back to his homeland and find a wife for Isaac from Abraham’s country and Abraham’s relatives. And in 2 Corinthians 6:14, Paul admonished- Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? Compatibility is paramount too. There is beyond being a fellow believer or being good. I believe that two good people must not necessarily mean they would be good together. There has to be a step-up check on compatibility.
16. She is spirit-filled and with a contrite heart. The Spirit-filled life is the life of the Lord Jesus reproduced in us by the Holy Spirit. Is a life of calm, composure, and quiet confidence (Isaiah 30:15). Besides, everybody has a good and flawed part.  However, this does not mean a state of perfection. As 1 John 1:8,10 declares- if we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves… but someone who the Holy Spirit can convince, The Holy Spirit can prick her heart and can give her witness. So you can be sure that you can pray to God to help you convince her. Besides, no one can be 100%, but you should be sure that your love can cover for the gaps: once the basic safe-nets of salvation, spirit-filled and godliness is in place.
17. She is capable of lightening the home with her Joy and love. Such Joy can drive the man and the home to great heights and glory. Proverbs 5:18-19 captures this: “So be happy with your wife and find your joy with the woman you married – pretty and graceful as a deer. Let her charms keep you happy; let her surround you with her love.

The biblical mandate to husbands and wives is to seek your own joy in the joy of the other (Ephesians 5:25–30). Husbands are told to love their wives the way Christ loved the church. How did He love the church? Verse 25 says He “gave Himself up for her.” But why? Verse 26 says, “that He might sanctify” and cleanse her. But why did He want to do that? Verse 27 answers, “that He might present the church to himself in splendor!”  “For the joy that was set before Him [He] endured the cross” (Hebrews 12:2). What joy? The joy of marriage to His bride, the church. The joy of presenting the church to himself in blood-bought splendor.

When you love the person with whom God has made you one flesh, you are loving yourself. That is, your greatest joy is found in seeking the greatest joy of the other. So, a wify material is someone you can love till eternity. No managing, no pitying, not a decision to impress anybody, but your singular thought-out decision.

Conclusions

These are not making of rules, please! On a normal day, what you sow is what you reap, you get what you put in: input=output,… If you sow love, you reap love. If you treat her like a queen, you get a queen. If you treat her anyhow, you get anyhow.

Well, in all your getting, get you a bundle of JOY! A king’s bride!

The thoughts that ran through my mind the day I learnt the one I loved is taken

Introduction

John answered and said, A man can receive nothing, except it be given him from heaven.

John 3:27

For who maketh thee to differ from another? and what hast thou that thou didst not receive? Now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou glory, as if thou hadst not received it?

1 Corinthians 4:7

Early enough I learnt a very important lesson that ‘God does not show us what He cannot give us. If He eventually does not give us what he has shown us, then it’s because He has something bigger in plan for us. These thoughts and wisdom comforts me and helps me not to be desperate over the things I’ve seen or asked for.

This article is a question all through, even where it sounds assertive still consider it as a question, which can be answered, based on your opinion. Enjoy reading!!

What men ought to do?

 Was it by believe, then I believed beyond all gambles

If it was by faith, then I had faith beyond all hesitation

Perhaps my faith lacked works. Maybe there were no matching actions to portray the state of my heart. Oh no but I did expressed my heart, my mind was communicated, no thoughts was hidden. The plans were communicated.

Perhaps, the plans were the problem. I had communicated the plans to move in phases. Was going to propose in the next two phases.   The plan was well communicated and clarified. I promised to stick to a love I had found and to remain single eyed and land us through this plan.

My actions and efforts were they complete enough. What steps did I take to establish this promise that they were seriously serious? I never got a ‘we are in it together feedback’. These were the gaps in my works and a fault to express my love but left the expectations to fate without deliberate work to actualize it.

Any faith that depends on God absolutely for the expected outcomes is dead. So what lessons have I learned? Left for me I’d prefer to focus my mind until I’m done with the phases. Just be a good brother, a good friend to everyone around. Especially, I believed one should not be involved in a suffocating relationship until it is ready to do the very needful.

Then the society around seem to believe somewhat differently. The belief is that you do not have to wait for a perfect time to get serious but you can be purposeful and can relate through to the perfect phase. But wait, when you get serious, in many times does it leave room for the best interest of the dual?  A longtime courtship or engagement which is due to the man not being ready to do the next needful would leave the lady waiting and winking other attentions. Would this not mean locking up the woman or staging her for the unreadiness of the man? Should the man fail to get the needful ready as planned or something went wrong between the two in the process of waiting, wouldn’t the lady be at loss.

Well, this is faith, to choose to take the long waiting aisle. it means mutual trust and for the lady a faith in her man’s process. To think of, finding a woman when a man is ready-can also be misleading as pretense and faking loyalty could be the case.

Every man who is ready is qualified to have the best. Every man who is in the process deserves to be given the best if the process can be committed to Faith worked out.

What the lady Ought to do?

On the other hand, a valuable relationship is preserved by maintaining the purpose or redefining it. Not in pretense or silence in their everyday updated status. The two should be able to freely update the other on the current state of things. I believe that it is the HONOR and the dignity of a lady to say yes. It is the responsibility of the man to woo her Yes.  But why the Man woo, it is the respect for the man and an affirmation of his valuablity for the lady to update him where changes in status has occurred.

Guys can be vocal, many I would marry you and hundreds of I would marry you one day comes before the very will you marry me on the proposal date.

When a guy thinks futuristic, vocalizes futuristic, expresses hope for the future of the two to be together-if the lady whose honor it is to say yes thinks that she would never ever ever say yes or she’d changed her status, no longer available or is taking,  it is her honor to respectfully let the man know that there won’t be a future together for them.

Somehow something looks like ladies like being woowed, and enjoys as many of them are coming in their direction even when they do not have the room for it. Why say thank you rather than say hey, thanks for the nice words though am no longer single, and you know we can always be friends. This would do the guy a lot of good, it will reduce the obsessions, the pictures, and the thought of love in his mind about the lady. Because loving someone who is in love with another is like pouring water on a rock. It makes love a waste of time , which is not good for Christians.

Okay, I know many guys can be persistent. Nevertheless, while a guy may not take a lady’s NO simply and easily, most guys would give way at the presentation of another guy by the lady. God has put this natural jealousy in man, which would not let them swallow it.

Conclusion

So what am I saying?

Guys, take the ultimate action, get the commitment prior to the proposal readiness. For the benefit of doubts, do not suffocate the lady, leave room for the exit if in her best interest and choosing.

The ladies, when you exist please update the guys, don’t keep enjoying companionship and pretend like you’re still with them.

An updated relationship is simply redefined to a new or stepped down in purpose, not necessarily a cost for an enmity or offenses.

There are more reasons to stick together than marriage and parting ways is never an option for brethren.

Comment your answers.

Don’t chat me on this.

Thanks!!

Removing the veil in Christian relationship

When you remove the veil, you see the truth, the facts, and the deceit.

sunstev

Introduction 

Life is an ongoing drama. However, for Believers, every drama contains within it a deep message and a depth of lessons for the people involved to search out.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

It is the glory of God to conceal a thing: but the honour of kings is to search out a matter.

Proverbs 25:2

This article is aimed at emphasizing the importance of the bearing of our Day-to-Day experiences on the mystery of what is permissible and in a journey towards the perfect will of God. Described here is an accidental revealing of the right person from an unprecedented dramatic week. Also, a friendly unbiased rapport, which would later be searched out for a deep lesson.

The drama week

It was particularly a week of many dramas, which many thoughts and lessons have aroused. It is part of the week’s drama that produced the last article.

The drama started with sarcasm from my two uncles, almost simultaneously; one was holding the conversation with me on WhatsApp while the second was with me physically. It was an unveiling of their perceptions about me. To them, I was always serious and focused on achieving the set goals, especially added to my personal troubles. So my uncles and mentors were all perplexed, they had one question in their mind: ‘who is your female friend’? It doesn’t look like he is serious about anyone… One of them had to quote Matthew 19:12 for me. He said, you know that verse that says that “For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake… So he asked, are you one of them who have decided to remain a Eunuch for the sake of the work of the Kingdom?

I responded in laughter… I never saw that sarcasm coming, especially we were in the middle of something serious. Albeit, I wasn’t surprised. The first uncle had chatted up making a recommendation, he was like ‘why not consider this lady for a help-meet, she’s well endowed for it’. My response too was a laughing emoji 😂😂. But he was serious, he said ‘am not joking though’. So, I told him ‘alright Sir’ but I am not yet ready for that now and I like someone else. His response: ‘ooh, you do?’ was my first amusement 🤗. Like who did not like someone!? That was how overzealous I seemed to look. Hmmm!.

Thus, the first drama ended with my uncles insisting to know who this person was. They were all in suspense and insisted I should give them a name. Initially, I responded with hesitation. I tried to let them know the level of relationship I had reached with the person, being insignificant, I explained there was no point calling names. We are a family of many young people; we are brethren. So, they wanted to hear the name of one of the brethren. At the end they worn, I gave them the name. It was my seventh year of friendship with her and I have in several occasions tried to express my intentions to her but I’d not gotten a ‘we are in it together kind of feedback’. It was a cool idea for both of them; however, they advised I needed to get more serious. One of them was like, ‘you will be doing friend friend and someone else will come and do the needful.

That was the end of the first drama. And, I never knew that that was just going to be the beginning of what would later turn to a drama week. For me, the first drama was the humorous reality of having people mistake me on something I am completely the direct opposite. I love love 😂. Love is my primary advocacy. I believe that love in human relationships be given a good priority. As far as I knew, I am a relationship activist. I am madly interested in a virtuous and strong lady. I am a proponent of early marriage too.

I was only being single-eyed and focused having grown up being shy and not having much to do with Ladies. I was okay with just knowing what I wanted. So, I wasn’t surprised that they misunderstood me that way.

Nevertheless, the second phase of the drama rather proved my uncle’s right. They had initially queried, does this person know you love her? What have you said to verify her thoughts about your intention? What commitments do you have from and with her? How often do you speak and hear from her? Does she know that you love her?

My uncles were somewhat right, even though I have always heard from her, and had often expressed my heart and my seriousness, the facts remained that I had no commitment from her. I had not got reasons to believe we were in it together and most times I have not asked deliberate close-ended Yes or No questions. I was not seriously pressing for it because I felt I wasn’t ready, I thought I shouldn’t be desperate, I thought I should wait a little more to be ready for the needful.

SO, I was still in the brainstorm of how to go work out something with her, when the second phase started almost simultaneously. The fact that everything was happening at once made it even more interesting too. It was her BD and I have traveled from west to the east to grace the moment and probably make some pivotal conversation to address the questions my uncles have raised.

On that BD I had come with lots of expectations. Many questions to ask, memories to reflect on, new memories to create, many things to say, and to verify her end to be sure what to tell my uncles. Not because I was trying to please them or to follow their pressure but because they have opened my eyes to the truth. The veil previously on it, hiding in the form of unreadiness is fallen off. I could read through the truth, the facts, and the probable deceit… Besides I had to listen since I was not going to be a Eunuch!.

 I was close to what would later be the third scene, where my top goose pimple was busted when the second phase unfolded through a telephone call from a friendliness, someone who means so much. I’d known her for ten years past in good friendship. I’d tried to express my love to her earlier but she explained there was someone else. Because she meant so much, we had to redefine our friendship to that of siblings: totally zero emotions. As a sister then I confided in her in many matters. She knew my friends, including the BD friend. In fact, she’d turned to my hype woman, always hyping me that the BD friend was going to be a good fit for me… So, similarly, that day, while I was in the peak of the drama and suspense of seeing the BD friend, she called me. She had seen on social media that it was her BD, coincidentally she also had a dream that night, where I was proposing to the BD friend. According to her dream, it was a beautiful scene and we were so happy together. Aaagh!. I responded with all the exclamation. I tried to deride her, saying you have come again ba‘. But she was serious, is her first time seeing me in her dream. She didn’t know I had taken the journey to see the BD friends that day. So, I opened up to her. I also told her of the drama that has been unfolding that week. I told her that though I would be seeing the BD girl the next day, I totally don’t see her dream coming true. Especially, I was not ready and my friendship with the BD girl has not come to that point where such a dream can be in the picture. Even though she had hyped me to make her dream come to pass, when I was done explaining my unreadiness she seemed to share understanding with me: because at the end of the conversation I asked her-so, what do you advise me to do tomorrow? Her answer was simple: you are not ready. So just have fun…

That was closer to the end of the conversation when I decided to pull her leg a bit. I ask told, whereas you have decided to be my hype woman, hyping me to go talk to the BD friend when you could simply be my woman. I let her know that I actually have more flow talking with her but she refused to understand it. She rather argued that that doesn’t matter, it could be because of shyness or because has long chosen to let the emotions aside.

At this point, I was going to ask her to gist me about her own relationship too. From the last time she told me she had somebody else, I had chosen to respect her space and I constrain myself not to talk about it. But today, I asked her in a personal tone to gist me. She sincerely told me that that person didn’t work out. Simply, she is single. I couldn’t say much. We just made jokes over it.

That closed the scene for the second drama, opening the curtain for the third phase, which unfolded in an hour space. I was still awake trying to chat and respond to some chats when I saw in my status a romantic BD appreciation post from my BD friend that spoke much volume about her relationship status. Remember I had come down to see her on her BD and the date was shifted to the next day. So, it happened that without me asking the questions from my uncles, I was dished the answers in a treble broadcast… did my heartbeat skip? Hahaha! I expected something close to that happening. So, I wasn’t completely surprised. However, my reflections on it dawned on me the reasons for the concerns my uncles had raised. It dawned on me, the one I love is taking. What am I going to say to my uncles? Why just now, why not earlier. I had mixed feelings.

In the first action, I let my hype woman know about it. I told her, now all your hypes have ended- ‘make I rest’. She tried to express some sympathy; in her words, ‘wow! This one pain me o!  

That was the end of the drama then. Of course, since life is a continuous drama, it was also the beginning of a new drama. So, the next day I saw the BD friend as scheduled. I confirmed the obvious; she is taken! We had a great time talking, recited to her all the drama that I had had through the week, made most of the moment, and reassured we would always be great pals. I was not going to feel bad about a decision that makes her happy, I want the best for her and her happiness.

Remember the new drama that was birthed, I would describe in my next article. It will be a revisit to the dream. When my hype women told me that nothing spoiled, I concord with her, but pointed out that only the dream spoiled, then I added: except you did not understand the dream. I suggested then that we should consider the dream again.

Conclusion

Yeah! I was not going to take the week for granted. I had to take my lessons. Everything happening at once; the unveiling of my BD friends relationship status, knowing that someone I still loved is single, such a crucial time when I had to choose to re-visit my readiness. Somehow I just felt everything has happened for a lesson, I had to pick up the lessons and search out for more and share with my readers too!!

So this is the summary of this article, why God works out everything for our good we should be attentive and know when to be deliberate to put up some effort to make sure that God’s plan for us comes to pass. Everything is not going to be fair and rosy before we act. We should trust God to finish if He wants to start a thing. We should close our eyes on our fears and go get the deed done!

Thanks for reading!!!

IS LOVE A WASTE OF TIME?

Love such as the engrossing, obsessive, elusive, vulnerable, passionate and emotional cloudings is a common sentiment.

When you are in love, including the earlier phase of marriage-the excitement phases; it seems like nothing else counts in life. The clock no longer tickle, the time becomes infinite, the sun no longer rises, the sky seems brighter, life appears rosy, the birds sing more beautifully and the times even tastes better when you have someone to share it.

Contemplation of love is a very opportunity cost for time. Time as a resource in human capital is expended in love contemplations.

This makes love a liability and consumer of useful times at the expense of creative task, innovative adventures, explorative thinking, educative tasks, skills acquisition, growing in knowledge, executions of ideas, idea generation, fellowship with God, restful and refreshing sleeps,…; because one is obsessed with the idea of love.

That love is a waste of timeis a hard truth, though not sacrosanct for all, there are many reservations-many other sides to it where you may want to disagree. In this article, we would explore the both sides.

WHEN IS LOVE A WASTE OF TIME?

• Love is a waste of time when/if one is concerned with finding love than with finding life worthy of love.
• Love is a waste of time when/if one is not ready with the realities of love and it’s essence.
• Love is a waste of time when/if one is under-age, a teenager, young youth who is yet to find purpose can obviously not make anything out from love.
• Love is a waste of time when/if LOVE is conservative and suffocating. Where there’s no space for one’s life.

Why Love Is a Waste of Time

Being engrossed with love is a total time wasting and loss of concentration on the things that would have matter at that time.

Love is a waste of time because it can turn into a Full–time job. Is it not a full-time job? When do you want to text every day? calls over and again? Getting together and breaking up with one and another over and over? give unsolicited praises? pretends to be an ideal and coolest person? time spent contemplating whether you are still loved? worries? dramas? fight? confusion? many clarifications? frequently dating and hangouts?

How come those are not full-time jobs? Such a time screwing!

Love is a waste of time in the face of its opportunity cost–pursuit, passion, hunger for God.

Fellowships with God unlike the contrary produces speed to meet up with ones purposeful life pursuit. The contrary, which is the fellowship of an emotional relationship, companionship, gistiology, etc., only whirl away the precious times.

All love is factually not a waste of time neither is love even a waste of time for everyone. However, emphasize is that it is often a distraction and completely unnecessary. After all, how many middle school and high school students marry their sweethearts? Was it really necessary to go through a string of partners during and after school when you are not willing to settle down until you are 25 or 30? What is the point of all that time?

How to avoid the love that wastes time

How do one avoid wasting time in love?
Who would say throw away love. To love, to be loved is God. We always meet each other with smiles, for the smiles is the beginning of love. True as it is-the best relationship are the ones you never saw coming. It just emerges.

To avoid wasting time in love and the love that wastes time, one cheap advice is; don’t donate emotions before life pursuit.

The second like it is; don’t make the relationship suffocating.

This way, time spent loving someone is never a waste because no matter where they end up, or where you end up, people never forget those who loved them. YEA, when the fog clears, people recognize the difference between those who loved them and those who didn’t.

When love is not a waste of time

• Love is not a waste of time when/if life and love agree together.

You can have a beautiful life without marriage/love. This is important and should be taught in the churches.

Presently, the church is marriage-oriented. When they announce a marriage ceremony-is like heaven is announced, when they are praying for a lady-no need for discernment, they already know the proper prophecy to give-of the dream man.

There is an over-emphasize on marriage.This needs to be de-emphasizied.

We could just live life and let love fall where it may. But our impatient and fears will not let us. And as we are wasting so much time trying to find it, and especially as we do, life is passing us by.

• Love is not a waste of time when/if LOVE is unconditional and selfless.

How to know you are ready to Love

• When you have a healthy expectations of love. Not as it is shown in the Hollywood.
• When you have a realistic concept of love
• When you have built a positive attitude and outlook toward life
• When you have built the ability to communicate your feelings and to attend to another’s feelings.
• When you have built a good spiritual foundation and goals.
• When you are ready to accept responsibilities.
• When you are ready to handle the emotions. The emotions doesn’t die-it is still there in true love.
• When you have built good tolerance.
• Readiness to handle life crisis, uncontigencies.
• Strong willed to take up tasks and challenges.
• Readiness to marry one’s goals and another’s together.
• Readiness to manage one’s and another’s character.
• Financial readiness.
• When you have grown in wisdom, fortitude and sustainability beyond financial dependency.
• Courage over fears of the unknown and insecurities.
• Bendable. After you have built all this, still being teachable, humble, and not being stiff in ensuing circumstances.

Since love cannot be the focus of life dreams, Love should come after one have got what it takes to be a partner, keep a home and be a help to another as well as to oneself.

The bible is explicit about what should engross us, the kingdom of God. Thus, don’t be in pressure amidst. A good pressure is pressure towards God’s given purpose.

But no. Our fears won’t let us. We just want it-LOVE like in the zeeworld.

WRAP UP

LOVE is not a waste of time infatuation is.

Relationships too are not waste of time, it’s unready and unrealistic claims to love.

Love as a feeling is best when it is true and worst when it is fake.

Do share your thought
Grace to you.

My acknowledgement goes to Udochi Agomou for the inspiration to this article.

LOVE WITHOUT DISSIMULATION

Introduction

Living a love life naturally requires an understanding of the importance of honouring one another.

Dissimulation, as used in the bible verse of Romans 12:9, depicts love that has a preference, ulterior motives, love that is shown for a momentous reason. Or acting up, forming, biased, with respect of man. It also meant love in pretense. A very good example of such a love expression is romantic love.

Text: Romans 12:9-10, 13:8 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.

Living a Life in Honour

In honour, we effortlessly fulfill Apostle Pauls’s bidding in Ephesians 5:21, ‘Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God‘. Honour has to do with estimations; our calculations of the worth of others, including our value for their seeming physical worth.

Naturally, we highly esteem and regard people that we have a preference for and people that we assume to be of inestimable value. Like a successful person, a beautiful sister, their social status, one’s earnings or your friends and people who esteem us right, and whatever parameters we choose for our calculations.

But that’s the natural man, always looking for physical and logical reasons to honour another in love, with dissimulation.

For the spiritual man, loving without dissimulation starts from understanding the worth of one another in the most spiritual perspective:

• The perspective of the man in Christ; what is the worth of the man in Christ? ~they are bigger than any parameters you choose to measure them.
• The perspective of the love of God; how much does God love us all? ~without preference, He loved us all SO MUCH that He gave US His ONLY begotten SON (John 3:16). The bible verse of Romans 5:8 reads-‘But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.’ Just as God loves us without analyzing the different weights of our sins, He also commanded that we love one another without choosing natural reasons to do so. .., That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another(John 13:34).
• The perspective of your own worthlessness without Christ and your daily needs for the upholding of His mercy and Grace.
• The perspective of the vanities of physical life. ‘I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit. Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity‘ (Eccl 1:14, 1:2).

Don’t bring people down to a physical sense

You remembered those times when you needed to walk out on people, or you sighed on their mischievous attitude, those times when you asked questions like; who do you think you are? what can you do? and when you made comments like; do your worst, serves you right, abegi…etc.

Such times follow after you might have reduced such persons to your physical senses. You have analyzed them and tagged them as nothing. This is not a character of the man in Christ.

The Pharisees were in it when they reduced Jesus to the natural sense-read their words in Matthew 13:55-57 ‘Is not this the carpenter’s son? is not his mother called Mary? and his brethren, James, and Joses, and Simon, and Judas? And his sisters, are they not all with us? Whence then hath this man all these things? And they were offended in him. But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country, and in his own house‘.

When people tempt you, refuse to be negatively influenced, Learn to do what the bible said in … Ephesians 4:2 With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love.
Proverbs 25:15 By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone.

Don’t hold back your love, that’s your debt towards all men.
The purpose of this article will not allow me to talk about honour to parents, honour to superiors and spiritual heads…

The essence of love without dissimulation is that you get unlimited blessings from God and you are favorable towards men, especially in situations where you’d never imagined it coming.

WRAP UP

Don’t bring people down to a physical sense.
See people from a spiritual perspective; who they are in Christ or the measure at which God loves them.

This way, your honour for persons like Zuckerberg would not be anything different from the honour you have for-say ‘your father’s employees’.

This is love without di-ssi-mu-la-tion.

Shalom!

Forgiveness; The Keys to a Lasting Relationship

Introduction

It baffles me how two persons will be friends for years or in a relationship for months, never thinking they needed to part ways until suddenly something happens and you see them label themselves as wicked, heartless and worthless just based on a single event.

I believe it’s unfair to judge someone’s character by one event and forget all others. In school all of us were never judged by a semester grade point (GP). There could be a semester we were horrible, maybe due to challenges with a course, a lecturer, accommodation, or even sickness and the notice board gives a wrong
picture of your intelligence.

The school never picks out our worst semester and use it to form their
basis for the grade of certificate to be awarded us; they take every semester equally into consideration and that is what is called a cumulative GPA (CGPA).

It takes years to build and judge. We also need to judge people close to us based on the consistency and generality of their character not on one bad act.

Many relationships suffer because the persons involved never take note of the good done as they take note of the bad actions. I have seen people want to break up for very flimsy reasons. I have seen people hold offense for years over one incident.

Someone calls you often. Helps you out when you need help.
Supports you.
Gives to you.

But one day, you fell ill, informed him and he never called to check up on you, he didn’t come when you
lost your relative and because it pained you, you just had to cut of “bad energy”.

But before you conclude that a person is not worth associating with, have you taken a book and write
down all the good things about that person. All the sacrifices they made for you?

When you start doing this, not only that you will have a fair judgement but you will deliver yourself
from the lies your mind feeds you.

You will have more reasons to hold a conversation with the person about what happened than holding an offense.

It’s very unfair for you to have amnesia concerning the good things people did for and to you once they
fall short of your glory. You talk about them as though they have been bad all through the years you knew them.

Whenever someone who has been good to me acts up, when I remember all the amazing things the person has done and how they outnumber the bad, I tend to make excuses for them myself.

I know that forgiveness is something we should keep giving regardless. But forgiveness becomes easier when we pay attention also to how amazing
people have been to us all along at that moment they couldn’t keep the same energy.

If you have former friends who an event ended your friendship with them, can you take a moment and
recall the amazing part of them, the times they sacrificed for you and see if you graded them cumulatively or based on one action.

Some of us have never told our friends how grateful you are to have them in our life but we will scatter
everywhere when they miss it once, and many times the persons that do this are those who are forgiven
and understood the most by their friends.

Think on it @relationshipmattersedestephen

Understanding the concept of friendzone

What is a friendzone?

Even though the origin and usage of the word friendzone are applied to the place of guys in relation to their lady’s friend, I would use friendzone in a rather bidirectional approach. This means; friend-zoning can be obtained from any of the male-female sides.

Thus, for the purpose of this article, friendzone is defined as an act of initiating and sustaining a friendship relationship with another by continually acting in a friendly manner to the person, probably because you like them or you don’t have the courage to behave the otherwise.

It is also used to mean a situation in which one member of a friendship relationship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not.

How friendzone works

Friendzone hinges from the concept of the ‘Mr nice guy syndrome‘. Acting friendly. Often, people are nice to someone they supposed to appeal to their choice and tastes of friends.

By always acting affectionately, positively, being gentle, compassionate, sensitive, vulnerable, meekly to another. It is expected as a norm that such a person responds by reciprocating the niceness thereby accepting a mutual relationship from such person.

When this exists mutually, one can say that the parties are in each other’s friend zone. If it is yet unidirectional, that’s; one is in another’s friend zone.

Conflicting concepts of friendzone

The conflicting concept of friend-zoning emanates when the friendship situation is unidirectional. The following arguments highlight the different perspective on friendzone:

• One where the sense of zone is a situation where one party is madly desiring to graduate with the said friend to a higher level of commitment but the other party only wishes and insists that the relationship remains at the friend level. In this concept, zoning is used to connote a synonym to relationship cadre, stages or levels and types of relationship. One is zoned when the boundary is set at the friendship level by their significant other.
• One where the relationship is not overtly defined as platonic but expressed in an act of boxing the other within imaginary boundaries.
• One where there is Unrequited love. If a party withholds their love expression to another but only acting up and receiving from the others end. This concept somewhat addresses the common relationship syndrome of joining the queue-at the end we announce the winner. Serial friendship without seriously committing to one person. Or putting up a mindset of one being wanted by many while watching to see who I’ll emerge the winner. A mindset like this can bring about friend-zoning.
• One where sex denial is regarded as a boundary to an effective relationship. This concept implies that if a woman and a man have a platonic friendship and the man becomes romantically attracted to the woman, then the woman has an obligation to return his affection. A woman who does not return her “nice guy” male friend’s affection is viewed negatively or seen to be at fault.
• One where being in one’s friendzone is seen as being rejected. This concept devalues the goal and purpose of friendship. Here, people get too desperate for more that they take offense if not given it. Such offense is often serious and a common killer of good relationships. Thus, the danger of friend-zoning is that it is a killer of good friends.

Should Christians accept or frown at the concept of the friend zone?

Surprisingly, I would move to the friend-zoning phenomenon. Ya if that’d help us to look beyond romantic, committed, and futuristic relationships as the only essence of initiating a friendship relationship. But not without redefining it.

Friendship is not all about the romantic, every friendship must not progress to a more intimate status. This is the place of definition and purpose of the relationship.

One should always be able to say why another is their friend:

• Because you have a common spiritual path and hoping to unravel more.
• Because you have a common career path.
• Because you have a common interest.
• Because you want to learn from each other.
• Etc.

WRAP UP

Friends should be hinged on purpose and should not be meltdown on the basis of rising romantic or futuristic interest. The friendship bond should be esteemed above other desires. #-we were friends first before starting to desire for more.

“Owe nothing to anyone – except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law.”_ – Romans 13:8
If we love those who love us, it’s nothing special. Grace to cultivate the act of loving those that are not even nice to us is what we have to focus on too.

Okaaayy!

Let’s have your comments now. Who are in your friendzone? Who would you say have you in there friendzone? Why do you think they’d friendzone you? Or why did you friendzone them?

HATE THE NATURAL LIFE

Introduction

The call to the kingdom life is a call to discipleship. Is a call to receive the fullness of God in Christ. Discipleship is the learning of the life of Christ. Discipleship is the call away from natural life.

Luke 9:23 And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.
Matthew 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

Natural life, also referred in the bible as self, flesh, the old man and natural or sinful nature is the state of man from conception.

We all need to embark on the journey of discipleship, by opening up our heart and learning the life of Christ. Because, we all were conceived and born in flesh.

John 3:6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.

When Jesus answered in John 3:5 saying, ‘Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God’. He was taking cognizant of the natural life. To be born of water is not referring to water baptism. It describes the braking of the amniotic sac as the water flows out prior to ejection in childbirth.

Learning the life of Christ in discipleship is like when you bring a cup of of muddy water and and a gallon of clean water. If you undertake the task of emptying the gallon of water into the cup of muddy water. When you do this slowly, you will get to a stage when the muddy water flows out and the water in the cup becomes clean.

In discipleship, we are like the cup of muddy water. While Jesus is the clean gallon water. As we open up and allow Jesus to pour Himself into us, we are transformed from glory to glory to the fullness of Christ Jesus.

Human Nature is Ours by Inheritance

Journey away from natural life starts by firstly acknowledging it’s spontaneity and potency in us naturally.

Job 15:14 What is man, that he should be clean? and he which is born of a woman, that he should be righteous?
Psalms 51:5 Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
1 Peter 1:18 Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers;
Psalms 58:3 The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies

We are the children of Adam naturally. We have in us the same nature of Cain that made him kill his brother.

The Horrible Nature of the Natural Man

Secondly, the journey away from natural life is by understanding why we should abhor the flesh.

The natural life is an impossible way to heaven. Jesus said with emphasis in His tet-atete with Nicodemus that the old man cannot see the kingdom of God.

John 3:3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. 3:5 Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.
Romans 8:8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.

A typical picture of the natural life is around us in our various environment when we take up a case scenario of one full fledged natural life.

Talk about many cases of suicide we hear, talk about many cases of under eighteen ladies who have lost count of the number of men they have had sex with and had had more than five abortion, talk about young men who have lost control of their mind in illhabit for addiction, talk about crisis and corruption here and there in our society, then you will not fail to see the emptiness of the natural life.

It is as empty, ugly and abhoreable just as the body when life is taken away from it. Not like those corpses the government or their relatives take away or take to the mortuary but horrible just like those that are forgotten and rottening by the way side.

The horrible state of man is not an accident. Every man is born with the natural seed, these seeds begins to have expression even at one year after birth. The seed also grows in emptiness with stature in wickedness.

The natural life if not arrested will multiply to more wickedness and manifest even in childbirth. Check the life of Jacob’s 12 sons; those he birthed before he surrendered to God turned up producing fruits of wickedness, while those he birthed after he surrendered to God showed better spiritual fruits.

Man is doomed in this state except God intervenes, when he is born again-Born of the spirit.

Wrap Up

The natural life is the doom of man. But praise be to the name of our Lord for He has made a way out for us.

We should all turn to God for help, with an open heart to have Him pour Himself into us and humbling ourselves so He can exalt us above our helpless natural life.

1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:

When we are faced with a terrible sin, humbling ourselves here could mean praying and submitting ourselves in admittance of our need for help from God. Then God will exalt us into victory.

Jesus, our Lord and example humbled Himself and God granted Him favour and He grew in stature and Grace.

Shalom!

How Do You Know A Perfect Person For A Committed Relationship?

INTRODUCTION

We come across many persons in life. We often have so many persons in our lives too. How do we know the perfect person for a committed relationship?

Every relationship should consciously be instituted with the mindset of being committed to each other. We have tried to define what commitment in a Christian relationship connotes in my previous article.
Here, I would put it simply as being mutually responsible for the sustenance and success of one’s relationship to another.

Time check

It is possible to love somebody on the first date and be committed to it. We have many biblical examples; Adam loved Eve, at first sight, Isacc loved Rebecca, at first sight, Gen, Jacob too loved Rachel at first sight.

Actually, every human being is wired and have the construction of what beauty is and how they behold beauty. This is what often draws people together-the manifestations of their standard for beauty. This is not about physical beauty, check my article on who us truly beautiful for the definition of beauty.

However, one in a hundred persons who come together in this sense end up growing apart. This is because we have this drive of loving to get close to people because of their gifting and charisma and because they did the spectacular. When we have come to know the person personally then our desire to be with the person either begins to go downhill and in a few cases, uphill. This is quite normal because There’s no standing still in life stuff. Things either get uphill or downhill. And yet, it is very quintessential that you don’t just take things any hill.

By the basis of time, I would say we know who is committed to us in a relationship when we know who has come to stay against all odds.

Otherwise, there are times when some may think they are engaged-They might just be alone in the relationship. Time is a good test for a relationship.

Knowledge of each other

Very common reasoning in our present dispensation is that of taking time to know each other. Peoples’ character is the most deceitful aspect of a growing relationship.

The emotions are clouded, pretense is heightened, there’s lots of acting up…they look like the best persons in the world.

But there’s a place of knowing each other. Knowing their weaknesses and strength. This is the point to head for a committed relationship.

Spiritual check

A perfect person is very essentially verified in every spiritual sense. Your instincts and mind are in tune with the person. Your heart or spirit is okay with it. Your spiritual mentors and guardians are speaking well of it. You have stepped out of your observations and expectations and have sought it on the basis of the perfect will of God.

Sometimes, this is where Christians get it wrong. When we go to God seeking His permissive will rather than going submissive for His perfect will. We seek His permissive will when we already have our minds made up.

It is wrong too to come to God solely to know the perfect person. We ought to live in the perfect will of God in all area of our lives, at all times in every circumstance. Then as He said in Proverbs 4:11
I have directed you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in upright paths. Psalm 16:11 You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is the fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever… He will direct us right even without us knowing.

Secondly, it is a poor attitude to act on the spiritual check alone. The spiritual check is a gold standard but it doesn’t go in isolation. A spiritual check-in place is verifiable with its consistency and positive fruits on the other checks. So after you have heard God, take your time and give your significant other time to understand too.

Love check

Love is an inevitable necessity for a committed relationship. There must be every evidence of love for each other.

I have defined love severally in my previous articles as true feeling and care for each other. The following are the evidence of love in a relationship: 1 Corinthians 13:4_8

• Love suffers long and is kind.
• Love envies not.
• Love flaunts not itself and is not puffed up.
• Love does not behave improperly.
• Love does not seek its own.
• Love is not easily provoked.
• Love thinks no evil.
• Love rejoices not in iniquity but rejoices in the truth
• Love bears all truth, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.
• Love never fails.

WRAP UP

Thus, you know the perfect person after you have prayed to get God’s leading and have watched to verify each other’s behaviors, checked your agreement on basic issues of life, and other measures of compatibility, etc.

Grace to you!

When is the perfect time to be in a committed relationship?

Introduction

Christian Singles often times could be full of the fear for the right time, the basis for defining readiness, and when to settle in a committed relationship. These fears are mostly due to the following reasoning:

Socioeconomic reasoning

In Our African society of low economic structures, socioeconomic checks could be often the inevitable criterion. So, conditions like after I get a job when am ready to settle in one state when I have five sources of income…could be cited.

Divine reasoning

Meanwhile, many other times some Christians would want to simplify it with answers like God’s time is a perfect time. Others would say-your instincts will tell you, you will just know.

Physical maturity

It is okay and easy-to-understand that it is not a matter of one’s age. Even though there’d been a popular societal age boundary of twenty-five and thirty years as a ‘what Are you still waiting for‘ age for ladies and guys respectively. It is still quite explicit that even those imaginary boundaries are ridiculous and not a valid measure.

Schooling

In our current dispensation of education first, time spent schooling also could get cited easily for a criterion. So, most times the society starts expecting it from you after school. Perhaps a post NYSC plan for Nigerians like me. Closely related to schooling is after one is done with apprenticeships training or learning a business.

Perfect person

Many singles could get it twisted with experience of heartbreak, the disappointment of ex’s and then the perfect time could be a question of how to know the perfect person for a committed relationship.

A key motivation for this article

In view of the above underpinnings, the motivation for this article was after I attended a get-together with the Nigerian Christian Corpers Fellowship (NCCF) prayer arms.

In that meeting, we were hosted by the NCCF state executive members. At a point in the meeting, it was time to introduce ourselves and everyone was required to state their relationship status

More than 90% of the NCCF state executive members introduced themselves as engaged while more than 90% of us, the new Corps members introduced ourselves as single.
The NCCF state executive members were also corps members like us, just three months in service before us.

We were worried, why are the new corpers claiming single unlike the three months older Corps members?

There must be something they knew that we needed to get clear.

So after the meeting, I followed some of them to ask them two questions, which are; ‘how does one know the perfect time to be in a committed relationship? And the second which is like the first is ‘how do you know the perfect person for a committed relationship?’

Somewhat, I would say I didn’t get a satisfactory answer. But I continued to search for answers. First, I looked into the past centuries, early marriage was solely and the ideal practices. A number of factors then seemed to have favored this. Especially, poverty, low education, ready jobs for graduate students, high level of tradition as a basis for decision making, etc.

Factors worthy of consideration

Secondly, I looked into this current dispensation, these factors are almost in their reverse and have transformed to be the factors of consideration in determining the perfect time for a committed relationship. Undoubtedly, anyone who wants to get involved in a committed relationship must think of the following factors;

• The Significant other: have you found the perfect person for a committed relationship?
• Money: do you have the required financial capacity to go into a committed relationship?
• Age: are you matured enough to handle a committed relationship? And, are you ready to settle
• Education: are you done with schooling or other training
• Career: have laid your plans, have you defined and found your vision?
• God: have you prayed about it, are you led, or have you understand the divine timings for you?

Interlude

But, waits a minute. So when is the perfect time? is it when you have all the above in place?
NO, NOP, NIL…
THERE is NO PERFECT TIME. You are ready for a committed relationship when you are thinking about marriage. A committed relationship that will not lead to marriage was never committed.

These factors together and working alone doesn’t define the perfect time. The perfect time happens to us…As we read in Ecclesiastes 9:11 I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all….

Final thought

Committed Relationship as an aspect of the Christian life is not in the categories of primary life pursuits. Primary life pursuits would include; being full of God, career or education, personal development, … Committed relationship occurs along the way. Every other thing falls in place via planning and waiting together. What is required of a Christian is to be opened-minded and not to be bounded by such factors for criteria?

Wrap Up

Wow!
I feel like I have answered this question. I await your comments. When is the perfect time?