LOVE WITHOUT DISSIMULATION

Introduction

Living a love life naturally requires an understanding of the importance of honouring one another.

Dissimulation, as used in the bible verse of Romans 12:9, depicts love that has a preference, ulterior motives, love that is shown for a momentous reason. Or acting up, forming, biased, with respect of man. It also meant love in pretense. A very good example of such a love expression is romantic love.

Text: Romans 12:9-10, 13:8 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.

Living a Life in Honour

In honour, we effortlessly fulfill Apostle Pauls’s bidding in Ephesians 5:21, ‘Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God‘. Honour has to do with estimations; our calculations of the worth of others, including our value for their seeming physical worth.

Naturally, we highly esteem and regard people that we have a preference for and people that we assume to be of inestimable value. Like a successful person, a beautiful sister, their social status, one’s earnings or your friends and people who esteem us right, and whatever parameters we choose for our calculations.

But that’s the natural man, always looking for physical and logical reasons to honour another in love, with dissimulation.

For the spiritual man, loving without dissimulation starts from understanding the worth of one another in the most spiritual perspective:

• The perspective of the man in Christ; what is the worth of the man in Christ? ~they are bigger than any parameters you choose to measure them.
• The perspective of the love of God; how much does God love us all? ~without preference, He loved us all SO MUCH that He gave US His ONLY begotten SON (John 3:16). The bible verse of Romans 5:8 reads-‘But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.’ Just as God loves us without analyzing the different weights of our sins, He also commanded that we love one another without choosing natural reasons to do so. .., That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another(John 13:34).
• The perspective of your own worthlessness without Christ and your daily needs for the upholding of His mercy and Grace.
• The perspective of the vanities of physical life. ‘I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit. Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity‘ (Eccl 1:14, 1:2).

Don’t bring people down to a physical sense

You remembered those times when you needed to walk out on people, or you sighed on their mischievous attitude, those times when you asked questions like; who do you think you are? what can you do? and when you made comments like; do your worst, serves you right, abegi…etc.

Such times follow after you might have reduced such persons to your physical senses. You have analyzed them and tagged them as nothing. This is not a character of the man in Christ.

The Pharisees were in it when they reduced Jesus to the natural sense-read their words in Matthew 13:55-57 ‘Is not this the carpenter’s son? is not his mother called Mary? and his brethren, James, and Joses, and Simon, and Judas? And his sisters, are they not all with us? Whence then hath this man all these things? And they were offended in him. But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country, and in his own house‘.

When people tempt you, refuse to be negatively influenced, Learn to do what the bible said in … Ephesians 4:2 With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love.
Proverbs 25:15 By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone.

Don’t hold back your love, that’s your debt towards all men.
The purpose of this article will not allow me to talk about honour to parents, honour to superiors and spiritual heads…

The essence of love without dissimulation is that you get unlimited blessings from God and you are favorable towards men, especially in situations where you’d never imagined it coming.

WRAP UP

Don’t bring people down to a physical sense.
See people from a spiritual perspective; who they are in Christ or the measure at which God loves them.

This way, your honour for persons like Zuckerberg would not be anything different from the honour you have for-say ‘your father’s employees’.

This is love without di-ssi-mu-la-tion.

Shalom!

Forgiveness; The Keys to a Lasting Relationship

Introduction

It baffles me how two persons will be friends for years or in a relationship for months, never thinking they needed to part ways until suddenly something happens and you see them label themselves as wicked, heartless and worthless just based on a single event.

I believe it’s unfair to judge someone’s character by one event and forget all others. In school all of us were never judged by a semester grade point (GP). There could be a semester we were horrible, maybe due to challenges with a course, a lecturer, accommodation, or even sickness and the notice board gives a wrong
picture of your intelligence.

The school never picks out our worst semester and use it to form their
basis for the grade of certificate to be awarded us; they take every semester equally into consideration and that is what is called a cumulative GPA (CGPA).

It takes years to build and judge. We also need to judge people close to us based on the consistency and generality of their character not on one bad act.

Many relationships suffer because the persons involved never take note of the good done as they take note of the bad actions. I have seen people want to break up for very flimsy reasons. I have seen people hold offense for years over one incident.

Someone calls you often. Helps you out when you need help.
Supports you.
Gives to you.

But one day, you fell ill, informed him and he never called to check up on you, he didn’t come when you
lost your relative and because it pained you, you just had to cut of “bad energy”.

But before you conclude that a person is not worth associating with, have you taken a book and write
down all the good things about that person. All the sacrifices they made for you?

When you start doing this, not only that you will have a fair judgement but you will deliver yourself
from the lies your mind feeds you.

You will have more reasons to hold a conversation with the person about what happened than holding an offense.

It’s very unfair for you to have amnesia concerning the good things people did for and to you once they
fall short of your glory. You talk about them as though they have been bad all through the years you knew them.

Whenever someone who has been good to me acts up, when I remember all the amazing things the person has done and how they outnumber the bad, I tend to make excuses for them myself.

I know that forgiveness is something we should keep giving regardless. But forgiveness becomes easier when we pay attention also to how amazing
people have been to us all along at that moment they couldn’t keep the same energy.

If you have former friends who an event ended your friendship with them, can you take a moment and
recall the amazing part of them, the times they sacrificed for you and see if you graded them cumulatively or based on one action.

Some of us have never told our friends how grateful you are to have them in our life but we will scatter
everywhere when they miss it once, and many times the persons that do this are those who are forgiven
and understood the most by their friends.

Think on it @relationshipmattersedestephen

Understanding the concept of friendzone

What is a friendzone?

Even though the origin and usage of the word friendzone are applied to the place of guys in relation to their lady’s friend, I would use friendzone in a rather bidirectional approach. This means; friend-zoning can be obtained from any of the male-female sides.

Thus, for the purpose of this article, friendzone is defined as an act of initiating and sustaining a friendship relationship with another by continually acting in a friendly manner to the person, probably because you like them or you don’t have the courage to behave the otherwise.

It is also used to mean a situation in which one member of a friendship relationship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not.

How friendzone works

Friendzone hinges from the concept of the ‘Mr nice guy syndrome‘. Acting friendly. Often, people are nice to someone they supposed to appeal to their choice and tastes of friends.

By always acting affectionately, positively, being gentle, compassionate, sensitive, vulnerable, meekly to another. It is expected as a norm that such a person responds by reciprocating the niceness thereby accepting a mutual relationship from such person.

When this exists mutually, one can say that the parties are in each other’s friend zone. If it is yet unidirectional, that’s; one is in another’s friend zone.

Conflicting concepts of friendzone

The conflicting concept of friend-zoning emanates when the friendship situation is unidirectional. The following arguments highlight the different perspective on friendzone:

• One where the sense of zone is a situation where one party is madly desiring to graduate with the said friend to a higher level of commitment but the other party only wishes and insists that the relationship remains at the friend level. In this concept, zoning is used to connote a synonym to relationship cadre, stages or levels and types of relationship. One is zoned when the boundary is set at the friendship level by their significant other.
• One where the relationship is not overtly defined as platonic but expressed in an act of boxing the other within imaginary boundaries.
• One where there is Unrequited love. If a party withholds their love expression to another but only acting up and receiving from the others end. This concept somewhat addresses the common relationship syndrome of joining the queue-at the end we announce the winner. Serial friendship without seriously committing to one person. Or putting up a mindset of one being wanted by many while watching to see who I’ll emerge the winner. A mindset like this can bring about friend-zoning.
• One where sex denial is regarded as a boundary to an effective relationship. This concept implies that if a woman and a man have a platonic friendship and the man becomes romantically attracted to the woman, then the woman has an obligation to return his affection. A woman who does not return her “nice guy” male friend’s affection is viewed negatively or seen to be at fault.
• One where being in one’s friendzone is seen as being rejected. This concept devalues the goal and purpose of friendship. Here, people get too desperate for more that they take offense if not given it. Such offense is often serious and a common killer of good relationships. Thus, the danger of friend-zoning is that it is a killer of good friends.

Should Christians accept or frown at the concept of the friend zone?

Surprisingly, I would move to the friend-zoning phenomenon. Ya if that’d help us to look beyond romantic, committed, and futuristic relationships as the only essence of initiating a friendship relationship. But not without redefining it.

Friendship is not all about the romantic, every friendship must not progress to a more intimate status. This is the place of definition and purpose of the relationship.

One should always be able to say why another is their friend:

• Because you have a common spiritual path and hoping to unravel more.
• Because you have a common career path.
• Because you have a common interest.
• Because you want to learn from each other.
• Etc.

WRAP UP

Friends should be hinged on purpose and should not be meltdown on the basis of rising romantic or futuristic interest. The friendship bond should be esteemed above other desires. #-we were friends first before starting to desire for more.

“Owe nothing to anyone – except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law.”_ – Romans 13:8
If we love those who love us, it’s nothing special. Grace to cultivate the act of loving those that are not even nice to us is what we have to focus on too.

Okaaayy!

Let’s have your comments now. Who are in your friendzone? Who would you say have you in there friendzone? Why do you think they’d friendzone you? Or why did you friendzone them?

HATE THE NATURAL LIFE

Introduction

The call to the kingdom life is a call to discipleship. Is a call to receive the fullness of God in Christ. Discipleship is the learning of the life of Christ. Discipleship is the call away from natural life.

Luke 9:23 And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.
Matthew 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

Natural life, also referred in the bible as self, flesh, the old man and natural or sinful nature is the state of man from conception.

We all need to embark on the journey of discipleship, by opening up our heart and learning the life of Christ. Because, we all were conceived and born in flesh.

John 3:6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.

When Jesus answered in John 3:5 saying, ‘Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God’. He was taking cognizant of the natural life. To be born of water is not referring to water baptism. It describes the braking of the amniotic sac as the water flows out prior to ejection in childbirth.

Learning the life of Christ in discipleship is like when you bring a cup of of muddy water and and a gallon of clean water. If you undertake the task of emptying the gallon of water into the cup of muddy water. When you do this slowly, you will get to a stage when the muddy water flows out and the water in the cup becomes clean.

In discipleship, we are like the cup of muddy water. While Jesus is the clean gallon water. As we open up and allow Jesus to pour Himself into us, we are transformed from glory to glory to the fullness of Christ Jesus.

Human Nature is Ours by Inheritance

Journey away from natural life starts by firstly acknowledging it’s spontaneity and potency in us naturally.

Job 15:14 What is man, that he should be clean? and he which is born of a woman, that he should be righteous?
Psalms 51:5 Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
1 Peter 1:18 Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers;
Psalms 58:3 The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies

We are the children of Adam naturally. We have in us the same nature of Cain that made him kill his brother.

The Horrible Nature of the Natural Man

Secondly, the journey away from natural life is by understanding why we should abhor the flesh.

The natural life is an impossible way to heaven. Jesus said with emphasis in His tet-atete with Nicodemus that the old man cannot see the kingdom of God.

John 3:3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. 3:5 Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.
Romans 8:8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.

A typical picture of the natural life is around us in our various environment when we take up a case scenario of one full fledged natural life.

Talk about many cases of suicide we hear, talk about many cases of under eighteen ladies who have lost count of the number of men they have had sex with and had had more than five abortion, talk about young men who have lost control of their mind in illhabit for addiction, talk about crisis and corruption here and there in our society, then you will not fail to see the emptiness of the natural life.

It is as empty, ugly and abhoreable just as the body when life is taken away from it. Not like those corpses the government or their relatives take away or take to the mortuary but horrible just like those that are forgotten and rottening by the way side.

The horrible state of man is not an accident. Every man is born with the natural seed, these seeds begins to have expression even at one year after birth. The seed also grows in emptiness with stature in wickedness.

The natural life if not arrested will multiply to more wickedness and manifest even in childbirth. Check the life of Jacob’s 12 sons; those he birthed before he surrendered to God turned up producing fruits of wickedness, while those he birthed after he surrendered to God showed better spiritual fruits.

Man is doomed in this state except God intervenes, when he is born again-Born of the spirit.

Wrap Up

The natural life is the doom of man. But praise be to the name of our Lord for He has made a way out for us.

We should all turn to God for help, with an open heart to have Him pour Himself into us and humbling ourselves so He can exalt us above our helpless natural life.

1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:

When we are faced with a terrible sin, humbling ourselves here could mean praying and submitting ourselves in admittance of our need for help from God. Then God will exalt us into victory.

Jesus, our Lord and example humbled Himself and God granted Him favour and He grew in stature and Grace.

Shalom!

How Do You Know A Perfect Person For A Committed Relationship?

INTRODUCTION

We come across many persons in life. We often have so many persons in our lives too. How do we know the perfect person for a committed relationship?

Every relationship should consciously be instituted with the mindset of being committed to each other. We have tried to define what commitment in a Christian relationship connotes in my previous article.
Here, I would put it simply as being mutually responsible for the sustenance and success of one’s relationship to another.

Time check

It is possible to love somebody on the first date and be committed to it. We have many biblical examples; Adam loved Eve, at first sight, Isacc loved Rebecca, at first sight, Gen, Jacob too loved Rachel at first sight.

Actually, every human being is wired and have the construction of what beauty is and how they behold beauty. This is what often draws people together-the manifestations of their standard for beauty. This is not about physical beauty, check my article on who us truly beautiful for the definition of beauty.

However, one in a hundred persons who come together in this sense end up growing apart. This is because we have this drive of loving to get close to people because of their gifting and charisma and because they did the spectacular. When we have come to know the person personally then our desire to be with the person either begins to go downhill and in a few cases, uphill. This is quite normal because There’s no standing still in life stuff. Things either get uphill or downhill. And yet, it is very quintessential that you don’t just take things any hill.

By the basis of time, I would say we know who is committed to us in a relationship when we know who has come to stay against all odds.

Otherwise, there are times when some may think they are engaged-They might just be alone in the relationship. Time is a good test for a relationship.

Knowledge of each other

Very common reasoning in our present dispensation is that of taking time to know each other. Peoples’ character is the most deceitful aspect of a growing relationship.

The emotions are clouded, pretense is heightened, there’s lots of acting up…they look like the best persons in the world.

But there’s a place of knowing each other. Knowing their weaknesses and strength. This is the point to head for a committed relationship.

Spiritual check

A perfect person is very essentially verified in every spiritual sense. Your instincts and mind are in tune with the person. Your heart or spirit is okay with it. Your spiritual mentors and guardians are speaking well of it. You have stepped out of your observations and expectations and have sought it on the basis of the perfect will of God.

Sometimes, this is where Christians get it wrong. When we go to God seeking His permissive will rather than going submissive for His perfect will. We seek His permissive will when we already have our minds made up.

It is wrong too to come to God solely to know the perfect person. We ought to live in the perfect will of God in all area of our lives, at all times in every circumstance. Then as He said in Proverbs 4:11
I have directed you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in upright paths. Psalm 16:11 You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is the fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever… He will direct us right even without us knowing.

Secondly, it is a poor attitude to act on the spiritual check alone. The spiritual check is a gold standard but it doesn’t go in isolation. A spiritual check-in place is verifiable with its consistency and positive fruits on the other checks. So after you have heard God, take your time and give your significant other time to understand too.

Love check

Love is an inevitable necessity for a committed relationship. There must be every evidence of love for each other.

I have defined love severally in my previous articles as true feeling and care for each other. The following are the evidence of love in a relationship: 1 Corinthians 13:4_8

• Love suffers long and is kind.
• Love envies not.
• Love flaunts not itself and is not puffed up.
• Love does not behave improperly.
• Love does not seek its own.
• Love is not easily provoked.
• Love thinks no evil.
• Love rejoices not in iniquity but rejoices in the truth
• Love bears all truth, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.
• Love never fails.

WRAP UP

Thus, you know the perfect person after you have prayed to get God’s leading and have watched to verify each other’s behaviors, checked your agreement on basic issues of life, and other measures of compatibility, etc.

Grace to you!

When is the perfect time to be in a committed relationship?

Introduction

Christian Singles often times could be full of the fear for the right time, the basis for defining readiness, and when to settle in a committed relationship. These fears are mostly due to the following reasoning:

Socioeconomic reasoning

In Our African society of low economic structures, socioeconomic checks could be often the inevitable criterion. So, conditions like after I get a job when am ready to settle in one state when I have five sources of income…could be cited.

Divine reasoning

Meanwhile, many other times some Christians would want to simplify it with answers like God’s time is a perfect time. Others would say-your instincts will tell you, you will just know.

Physical maturity

It is okay and easy-to-understand that it is not a matter of one’s age. Even though there’d been a popular societal age boundary of twenty-five and thirty years as a ‘what Are you still waiting for‘ age for ladies and guys respectively. It is still quite explicit that even those imaginary boundaries are ridiculous and not a valid measure.

Schooling

In our current dispensation of education first, time spent schooling also could get cited easily for a criterion. So, most times the society starts expecting it from you after school. Perhaps a post NYSC plan for Nigerians like me. Closely related to schooling is after one is done with apprenticeships training or learning a business.

Perfect person

Many singles could get it twisted with experience of heartbreak, the disappointment of ex’s and then the perfect time could be a question of how to know the perfect person for a committed relationship.

A key motivation for this article

In view of the above underpinnings, the motivation for this article was after I attended a get-together with the Nigerian Christian Corpers Fellowship (NCCF) prayer arms.

In that meeting, we were hosted by the NCCF state executive members. At a point in the meeting, it was time to introduce ourselves and everyone was required to state their relationship status

More than 90% of the NCCF state executive members introduced themselves as engaged while more than 90% of us, the new Corps members introduced ourselves as single.
The NCCF state executive members were also corps members like us, just three months in service before us.

We were worried, why are the new corpers claiming single unlike the three months older Corps members?

There must be something they knew that we needed to get clear.

So after the meeting, I followed some of them to ask them two questions, which are; ‘how does one know the perfect time to be in a committed relationship? And the second which is like the first is ‘how do you know the perfect person for a committed relationship?’

Somewhat, I would say I didn’t get a satisfactory answer. But I continued to search for answers. First, I looked into the past centuries, early marriage was solely and the ideal practices. A number of factors then seemed to have favored this. Especially, poverty, low education, ready jobs for graduate students, high level of tradition as a basis for decision making, etc.

Factors worthy of consideration

Secondly, I looked into this current dispensation, these factors are almost in their reverse and have transformed to be the factors of consideration in determining the perfect time for a committed relationship. Undoubtedly, anyone who wants to get involved in a committed relationship must think of the following factors;

• The Significant other: have you found the perfect person for a committed relationship?
• Money: do you have the required financial capacity to go into a committed relationship?
• Age: are you matured enough to handle a committed relationship? And, are you ready to settle
• Education: are you done with schooling or other training
• Career: have laid your plans, have you defined and found your vision?
• God: have you prayed about it, are you led, or have you understand the divine timings for you?

Interlude

But, waits a minute. So when is the perfect time? is it when you have all the above in place?
NO, NOP, NIL…
THERE is NO PERFECT TIME. You are ready for a committed relationship when you are thinking about marriage. A committed relationship that will not lead to marriage was never committed.

These factors together and working alone doesn’t define the perfect time. The perfect time happens to us…As we read in Ecclesiastes 9:11 I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all….

Final thought

Committed Relationship as an aspect of the Christian life is not in the categories of primary life pursuits. Primary life pursuits would include; being full of God, career or education, personal development, … Committed relationship occurs along the way. Every other thing falls in place via planning and waiting together. What is required of a Christian is to be opened-minded and not to be bounded by such factors for criteria?

Wrap Up

Wow!
I feel like I have answered this question. I await your comments. When is the perfect time?

Praying Through

What is praying through?

Text: Luke 11:1-9

Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: Matthew 7:8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth, and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Luke 11:9 And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Luke 11:10 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth, and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

Praying Through entails a lot on the edges of answered prayer, fervent prayer, effective prayer, etc. For instance, it entails obtaining the answers to our petition, it entails pressing further and holding up in prayers, it also entails touching the presence of God and being impacted of His Glory in the course of the fellowship.

A very biblical example of someone that prayed through is the case of Jacob in the bible book of Genesis 32:24-28. Abraham prayed through in the Lot’s case in Sodom, Jabez also prayed through in the change of his name and sorrow, Solomon prayed through to his gift of wisdom, Elijah prayed through in several occasions especially in causing the rain, same thing with Moses on insisting the presence of God goes with Him, to name but a few.

Genesis 32:24 And Jacob was left alone, and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day. 32:25 And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob’s thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him. 32:26 And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said I will not let thee go, except thou bless me. 32:27 And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob. 32:28 And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.

The act of praying could be split into stages. As we read in the text above, we could expound the three actions in Matthew 7:7 or Luke 11:9 to encompass all we do when we pray.

However, note that the sense in these stages is much on progression in prayers than in activities to be done while praying. I could say their order of knock, seek and ask is good to follow in the course of prayers. But these are not clear cut activities, they could overlap and they can be done in isolation. The three basic stages include;

Devotion/Knock

The act of devotion is the act of love reflections, the act of worship of God on the knowledge you already have. It is the act of approaching His court with a thankful heart, the act of reminiscing on His attribute, His encounter you have experienced and the revelations of Him you have received.

Song of Solomon 5:2 I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is filled with dew and my locks with the drops of the night.

Praying literally starts as we set our mind to pray. Thus, praying through in devotion often requires our desire, intention, and efforts. Here, we make up our minds to pray, not because we are feeling like it or because we have the time scheduled.

This stage of prayer does not keep time, we forget the time and come with a preset mind to pray.

Fellowship/Seek

Seeking is a vertical desire, is the needing of the things that are above. When we seek him, we desire the manifest action of Him that is yet unknown to us.

Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.

Man has been created to desire communion with God. There is a void that cannot be filled by anything but genuine communion with God. But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that Imay win Christ.—PHILIPPIANS 3:7-8

Praying starts in essence when the Holy Spirit takes over from us the intention, desire, and efforts to pray. As we read in Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

When you see people that spend time in prayers you will know, why? When we pray through in fellowship, we are able to transcend to the other realm, to the holy of holies where God is. We are rubbed off of God and His glory impacts on us. When we come out we wear His glory, it is easy to know that we have touched His presences. We ourselves know it, and people around can notice it too.

Once again, When we pray through in this stage, we know it.

Sometimes, in this stage, the tongue could cease to signal a stop or the tonguing just continues even when you wish to stop. It is in such intimate fellowship that we grow spiritually.

In this regards, we could explain that praying through is praying until we’ve touched and are impacted by His presence.

Petitions/intercession/asking

Petitioning is a horizontal desire. It entails asking for the things we wish to see happen around us.

1 John 5:15 And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.

Praying Through here involves receiving the things which we ask for or receiving a representation of it. For instance, we could be praying for something until God gives us peace and assurance that it is done or that it is not appointed time yet.

A very disturbing question in the heart of many believers is;

• Why does one ask in prayers and not receive sometimes?
• How does asking work?
• How can we get our prayers of petition answered?

There are some conditions that we may need to meet to pray through in this stage;

• We must ask in faith

“And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive” (Matt. 21:22).

• We must abide in a relationship with Christ.

“If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you” (John 15:7).

When we abide in prayer, and the Word, we develop spiritually so that His desires are ours.

• We must be motivated properly.

“You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures” (James 4:3).

• Sometimes God wants to make sure that we are really ready for what we ask.

Here we should learn the act of Going all for it like the eagles train it younger ones on how to fly by releasing them to fly from the mountain top. There’s is a dying Grace for the dying.

• We must ask in accordance with the will of God.

The Bible tells us what the will of God is. Thus know what the bible says concerning your situations: “Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him” (1 John 5:14-15).

• We ought to also grow in God

Have God help our motives, help our Faith, and align our will with His.

CONCLUSION

Are these stages valid?

Do you want to throw more light?

What are other potent things we could do while praying and where would we group it in the three stages?

Do comment, let’s share your thoughts on prayer.

ABC OF CHRISTIAN DATING

INTRODUCTION

In my previous articleI tried to explain that dating should be properly defined to the dictates of the scriptures rather than rule it off as worldly practices. This is necessary following from the many gains obtainable in having the dating period as interludes between intimate friendship and courtship.

Why the Christians Singles can date

The following reasons below describes the deserving gains obtainable in Christian Dating;

• It is an avenue for personal development, both spiritually and mentally.
• Makes a good time, leisurely and wonderful.
• Done well it can lead to good marriage.
• A time to know each other better and determine if it is wise to progress.
• The dating period allows the partners to start their relationship in a strong foundation. Many marriages that failed, had collapsed mostly on an issues that had been there from the first stages of the relationship. A healthy dating allows the partners to honestly decide their fate in good time.

Courtesy for Christian Dating

As Christians, we are the salt of the world.

Matthew 5:13-16
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.

This means we should influence and teach the world the right way to living by showing God’s mind with regards to the relationship issues. On dating matters, we can do this following these dating Courtesy as outlined below:

• The two should agree (Amos 3:3 Can two walk together, except they be agreed?). Agreement here includes in expectations, purpose and interest. Singles who loves, respects, cherish, likes each other and above all persons who loves the Lord.
• One is ready to date when he or she is emotionally, physically, and spiritually mature. Such person should be able to say tell why they need the relationship, where the relationship would head to, their motives for the relationship.
• Avoid Rushing through the dating period, there is no gain rushing the process and winking on key matters with the claim of love and hope that all would be fine.
• Dating is a tertiary level of relationship, it connotes some level of commitment. Therefore, dating is permissible for someone who is ready to make a life partner and not just for the fun.
• Avoid hunting for dates, from places like social media, parties and eluding momentous occasions that doesn’t allow you a proper assessment. Naturally, you can make a date from friends who must have passed the primary stages of relationship cadre with you. N/B: while you could meet a friend anywhere, you should make a date from your friends.
• Avoid unbecoming behaviour in the date period. This includes behaviors that induces the others emotionally, especially biblical acts. Dress modestly and choose your words properly.
• However, make your communications spicy, talk less of spiritual topics when in a date.
• Choose a public place for your dates. Places like the cinema, zoo, restaurants etc.
• Avoid crowd dating, by this I mean; your date should be a two asides, not a group stuffs. The interest should be mutually exclusive of others but on each other alone.
• The motives for a date should be to know each other better. Communicate grossly in a fun filled atmosphere of love, leisure, humour and mannered interest in each other.
• Dating should be started and followed with prayers especially when it is showing green cards. Such green cards includes; makes great times and moments when together, keen attention and interest on each other, etc.
• A dating relationship should be truncated if it shows yellow or red flags. Such flags like; boring times, unclear motives and purpose for the relationship, conflicting interests etc. Such times it is pertinent to honestly call it over without being harsh or raising dusts.

LAST WORD

Its time we stopped shying away from the word dating. Dating is merely an English word until we give it our definition.

Do comment below, let’s share your view.
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WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT MARRIAGE? Must Everyone Marry?

Wrong Motives for Marriage

The church is marriage oriented-a lady walks into the church to worship God- the pastors are rather interested in prophesying to her for the perfect man. Publications about marriage in the church are celebrated like one who has made it in life. Lots of ‘marriage are good messages’ like this doesn’t allow believers to see marriage as an institution of responsibility but rather as a place for fanfare.

Our society is so programmed in such a way that it yearns to live people’s lives for them. There’s an imaginary timeline it draws for her members. For instance, in Nigeria, once a youth is done with tertiary institutions or at most after serving the fathers land in NYSC, such person is thought to be ready for marriage.

Many persons have married because of what society would say or because their friends are all married.
Some other persons marry in other to belong to a status. Not because they have seen it necessary and in favor of their life’s vision and purpose.

But are these suppose to be the motives for marriage?

To avoid the boxing effect, marriage should still be put to halt and a pause anywhere along to the altar perhaps in the course of the courtship, where it is discovered that it has a fault.

The boxing effect is the “till death do us part” oath. There is a lot of compromise in marriage, but for a healthy union, key aspects of individuals lives must be in liberty and favorable consideration in the union. Otherwise, such individuals end up being boxed for the rest of their life as they are not able to adjust and yet not able to adapt.

Very close to the boxing effect is divorce, which biblically is the worst-case scenario. People get to divorce due to an exacerbating state of Depression. When a marriage is producing just the opposite of what it suppose to produce, depression for joy; the partners involved desires death to come fast parth the marriage. When death refuses to come they run often for their lives in search of free space.

It is on this note that this article is addressed, and calling for the need to reconsider what the bible said about marriage again. The church should deliberately add to her emphasis on marriage matters the teaching of Paul on marriage in 1Corinthians 7 as well as the teaching of Jesus Christ in Matthew 19.

Paul’s Teaching on Marriage

1 Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 7:7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. 7:8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

The teachings of Jesus on Marriage-is it good to marry?

. . .Matthew 19:10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man is so with his wife, it is not good to marry. 19:11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. 19:12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Wright Motives for Marriage

We could say that Paul’s Teaching esteemed being single to being married and did explain marriage to be preferable and desirable only above fornication. In this advice, deciding not to marry is the gold standard.

What we’re not supposed to do is consider marriage the most important thing, without which life will be incomplete. There is only One with whom we are to be completely taken, and that is God. He made us, and we owe Him all our affections. To place anything above Him, to desire anything more than Him — even if it doesn’t look like a metal statue — is idolatry.

It is okay to not desire marriage and not live as if we are waiting for it (especially for the ladies). Jesus teaching is clear that not everyone will be able to receive this teaching. However, it is a teaching for them that are able to receive it.

The right Motives in marriage should include;

• A life partner for life purposes, meaning the two parties should have known their purpose and possibly working it out priors to marriage.
• Marriage is, by design, for God’s glory and our good.
• The relationship is to reflect the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27).
• Fruitfulness; including in life’s endeavors and in hereditary.
• As witnesses to God and His examples (John 13:35).
• To help one another’s with intimacy in unity.
• Sex is for marriage. ” 1 Thessalonians 4:3–8 reinforces this with the reminder, “It is God’s will that you keep away from sexual sin as a mark of your devotion to him” (1 Thessalonians 4:3,).

Conclusion

It is better when marriage meets us in the way as we are busy living our lives. This will help savage a lot of false living and troubles of what the society would say.

Together we can change the society for the society is in the mind.

Shalom!

Dedicated to Mumderah and Sowers VTN 2019 team

DOES THE BIBLE SUPPORT DATING?

What is Dating?

Dating for the purpose of this article would be defined as spending time with someone who is proud of you, interested in you, respects you, someone you like, loves you, hypes or supports you, boosts your self-esteem, your confidence, your sense of dignity and your joy but in a time when courtship is not yet defined officially.

Let’s begin by noting that both terms courtship and dating are not made mentioned in the bible but there are biblical principles which can act as a guild while relating with the opposite sex.

However, while the church is conversant with the practice of courtship, they often frowned at the idea of dating. This is probably as a result of the world’s view for dating which is unfortunately popular.

The world indeed views dating as a time of many sexual sins.

But no one meets another and immediately for the altar. There is a time to bond, get to know each other better, know their background and attempt to understand their outlook towards life. This time often starts with dating.

There is a need to give and popularize a godly perspective of dating. It is not enough to condemn an act without pointing out the right way. The dating period is a vital stage in a relationship. Is a time when nothing is said yet, everyone is free to act and react.

Studies on divorce have continually pointed out that a great percentage of marital issues were present during the first days of the relationship. People have often ended up in a relationship they aren’t convinced of probably sometimes because of fears; fears of what people would say, fear of losing out, etc.

In order not to end up with issues in marriage, it is pertinent to understand the importance of dating period and implement it godly.

What Dating is not

• Dating is not a romantic affairs
• It is not a committed relationship
• It is not completely an intimate affairs
• It’s not a time of possessive behavior
• It is not to pair with multiple opposite sexes indiscriminately.
• A time for sexual exploration

Dating is

• A time to bond
• Know each other character
• Discover each other’s world view and areas of interest
• A time to relax, have the moments together
• A time prior to a committed relationship
• A time to confirm your faith-based
• A date could quietly end in honesty while the partners move on still being nice to each other.