TIMES TO BE SINGLE AT HEART The Errors in Thinking Who to Marry

INTRODUCTION

A retrospection through the fantasy of the pre-adult phase of my life, when I’d often find myself with friends of likeminded rehearsing on who we would love to marry in the future. Sometimes we even mentioned names; funny memories they are.

More fantasy yet was in my early adulthood. I could still see myself encumbered by the thought of who to marry. I’d have a lot of mind swing. Today, I’m well pleased by Sister A. Tomorrow; I’m better pleased by sister B. The next day, I’m totally confused or indifference about it.

However, recently, a number of real-life true realities have occurred to me. Making me realize that the thought of getting married or being married is something somewhat secondary or unnecessary. The thought and encumbering of who to marry is only common to the unprepared. It is a sign of one’s unreadiness.

Where does the thought of who to marry come from?

Is it childishness? NO.

It is common with young people to have a picture of persons-kind they are pleased with. Through life, there is often a time circumstance and chances would bring such people to your circle of friends.

Besides, there are a set of wonderful qualities you’d find in close friends and you are almost thinking if this could be the one. Even though you are not ready, you think of growing with them and living the future in vision together.

Many times, people don’t make out anything from such visions. Because the future holds a lot for the living. The test of time and distance comes in to exaggerate every unreadiness and wanes the relationship.

At such point, it becomes obvious that friendship relationship does not outlive its purpose and because one is one’s destiny helper does not mean they are to be their life partner.

The errors of thinking who to marry

The thought of who to marry and its associated behaviors can be linked to many relationship problems among singles. Examples of such problems include the following;

• Many good friends have collided ending up in enmity because an unnecessary relationship was introduced. Friendship is better allowed than introducing a relationship that is not working. Yet many relationship counselors would insist that one, especially ladies are wasting their time to be in a relationship that does not have marriage as parts of its definition. There are many appluadable purposesfor relationships found in friendship than the futuristic purpose alone can conceal.
• The thought of who to marry when unready induces a form of behavior attempting to manipulate the other into one’s unreadiness and its associated indecisiveness.
• It truncates the joy of singlehood. One way it does this is by demanding unnecessary accountability and pressurizing one to give or live a false life in other to make good impressions.
• The thought of who to marry is also responsible for a common wrong paradigm about marriage mates. It is wrongly believed that people of the same range, like course mates, etc are not often good favorites for marriage feasibility. The argument is often that the man will not be ready for the lady who would be taken away by an already made man. This paradigm is not only wrong but it is very much a problem of thinking who to marry. Perfecting a friendship relationships purpose should better be the goal of persons in a relationship while keeping their hearts single. Succeeding in friendship without a hurting memory can produce wonders. The impossible and the unthought can be made out of it. This is one big error people make when they assert that people should not involve in a relationship which does not have a futuristic end. Relationships do not start with a futuristic purpose, it generates it. One of such unthinkable wonders that can be made out of a successful friendship is the marrying of mates.

Who is ready to marry?

The reality is that when one is finally ready, he often becomes more indifferent and losses interest in all the glaringness of the marrying stuff.

One is quite ready to marry when he is no longer interested. Other markers of readiness include;

• Being ready in this 21 century cannot overemphasize financial readiness. Without the appropriate finance to welcome and cater to another soul, marriage is a mere wish which everyone could have ridden if wishes were horses.
• One is ready that have succeeded in being a friend. Friendships give you chances to err and relearn. Marriage is till death do us part.
• One is ready who is matured in character, charisma and in the life course.
• One is ready who has identified Gods perfect timing and perfect plan, choice or will for him.
• A man is ready when he has discovered his purpose and his allotted territory.
• A woman is ready to marry after training herself to the entails of being a helpmeet and after asking to verify from the man-the definition of his purpose.

Keys to being single at heart

Life ought to be lived being single at heart; without thinking marriage. The primary purpose in friendship relationship should be building a network of people that will amount to net-worth.

Ones net-worth is defined as the difference of his assets from his liabilities. It is worthy of note to mention that it is very possible for one not to have money and yet have a high net-worth by the quantum of favor people owe him as a product of one’s goodwill.

This is possible by walking in love towards all men, being hospitable, and generous, serving others with your gifts. For a man who walks in love, there are no offenses (liabilities) that can be written against him for love covereth all sins. Prov 10; 12.

Besides, being single at heart requires faith in God who brings His will to pass by working in us both to will and to do his good pleasure.

The perfect will of God cannot be gotten by manipulations. If it is the will of God He will by all circumstances and chances work it out while you are busy fulfilling the purpose of your friendship relationship together.

WRAP UP

Learning to consciously avoid the errors and behaviors’ associated with thinking and acting who to marry is key to living a life of confidence and focus on the real matters of one’s life.

Do comment on your experience. Were there a time; maybe in your pre-adult phase, when you were concerned about whom it should be. Like the handsome, tall, rich and God-fearing rejoinder common with ladies?

Stay single at heart!

THE ALL IN ONE WOMAN

INTRODUCTION

The creation of heaven and earth and all it hosts in time in eternity; the beginning is one of the most astounding expressions of the Glory of God and a deep mystery.

“You alone are the LORD. You have made the heavens, the heaven of heavens with their entire host, the earth and all that are on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to all of them and the heavenly host bows down before you.

Nehemiah 9:6

More astounding Glory still was expressed in the creation of man, who even though he is not the strongest physically, there-in him contained all that is needed to control the other creatures. Indeed, man is the crown of God’s creation and a deeper mystery.

And God said; Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creped upon the earth. …

Gen 1:26-31

Yet, even more, astounding is the creation of woman. The deepest of mystery. God essentially said that man was not adequate, to highlight the high position and necessity of women. Indeed, women are the perfection of man and the other creatures in extension.

Literally and metaphorically, women define nature and the world. For nature signifies birth. Which is the same as the symbol of fruitfulness which woman is.

And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

GEN 2: 18, 21-22.

Woman as a Special Creative Work of God

In a bid to panegyrize women, someone amusingly inscribed the following thought. Do enjoy the humor even as you learn the inevitable place of women from it.

THE ROLE OF WOMAN

When God created woman he was working late on the 6th day.
An angel came by and asked.” Why spend so much time on her?

“The Lord answered. I have to give extra care and attention for she needs to be the perfection to other creatures.

“Have you seen all the specifications I have to meet to shape her?”

• She must function on all kinds of situations,
• She must be able to embrace several kids at the same time,
• Have a hug that can heal anything from a bruised knee to a broken heart,
• She must do all this with only two hands,”
• She would herself when sick and can work 18 hours a day”
• She will play a central role in the society to ensure the stability, progress and long-term development of her nations.
• She is the caretaker; she will play a key role in supporting her households and communities in achieving food and nutrition security, generating income, and improving rural livelihoods and overall well-being.
• She will be the chief educator in the home like in urging the children of both genders to attend – and stay – in school.
• She will be an entrepreneur; having the right and access to the leadership role that would help economies grow.
• And many more.

The Angel was impressed” Just two hands…..impossible! He exclaimed.

THE TENDER NATURE OF WOMEN

The Angel came closer and touched the woman”
“But you have made her so soft, Lord”.
“She is soft”, said the Lord,
“But I have made her strong. You can’t imagine what she can endure and overcome”
She has a strong personality, in her looks, and a strong will towards what she is accomplishing.

Being soft allows her to be the most sensitive, caring and maternal people in the world. She is very sympathetic.

Angel: So is there connection between her and the man?
Yes, she will share in the same nature of the Image of God like man.

The Angel Touched her Cheeks.
“Lord, it seems this creation is leaking! You have put too many burdens on her”
“She is a not leaking…it is a tear” The Lord corrected the Angel.
“What’s it for?” Asked the Angel…
The Lord said. “Tears are her way of expressing her grief, her doubts, her love, her loneliness, her suffering, and her pride.”…

WHY A WOMAN IS SPECIAL

This made a big impression on the Angel,
“Lord, you are a genius. You thought of everything.
A woman is indeed marvelous“
Lord said.”Indeed she is.

• She has the strength that amazes a man.
• She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens.
• She holds happiness, love, and opinions.
• She smiles when she feels like screaming.
• She sings when she feels like crying, cries when happy and laughs when afraid.
• She fights for what she believes in.
• She is not lesser or inferior but has a special role to fill as guardian of the family. Strong, resourceful, resilient, wise, loving, tender and nurturing are all words to describe her.
• Her love is unconditional.
• Her heart is broken when a next-of-kin or a friend dies but she finds the strength to get on with life

Being a Woman is Priceless

The Angel asked: So she is a perfect being?
The Lord replied: No. She has just one drawback
“She often forgets what she is worth”.

WHO IS TRULY A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN?

INTRODUCTION

This article is the second side of the coin for my previous article titled ‘who is really a beautiful woman?’ where I tried to establish that real beauty goes beyond the relativism definition of beauty; as to the eyes of the beholder, to being pragmatically deducible. Thus, we had lists of parameters for defining physical beauty. Do get details here.

Beauty is one of the concepts in humanity that is understood to be extremely biased. Continuing on a beautiful woman, there is inarguably a big gap between real beauty and true beauty. While real beauty can be knelled down to parameters, true beauty is quite much a subjective opinion and much suitably defined with the beholder’s criteria.

Both approaches to defining beauty are subjective. But true beauty is even more subjective and prone to a biased analysis. However, a conscious effort to adopt a spiritual Christian perspective of beauty is maintained in this article.

The choice of the word ‘TRUE’ is intentionally chosen to meet with the objective of this article in describing what should be concerned on beauty in a Christian relationship.

While beauty described in my previous article was tilted in the favor of the physical reality, here beauty is described on the basis of the truth; the eternal litmus test for beauty. Charm can be deceiving and beauty fades away …Proverb 31: 30. The real beautiful people are more focused on the passing beauty and fading good looks, but truly beautiful people understand that true beauty comes from within.

SO, WHO IS TRULY A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN?

True beauty lies not in looking good, but in being good. To be truly beautiful, the necessary parameters are qualities of love, kindness, joy, peaceable, compassion, forgiveness and honesty. These are not common, as compared to external adornment, and hence are rarer to come by.

A beautiful woman is a woman that is full and empowered in the Holy Ghost. A woman with a life that encourages inspires and empowers others. A confident woman satisfied in her uniqueness and focused in making a difference and leading others in the light of her uniqueness.

When you are confident you are not constantly looking for the approval of others. Such confidence is founded in courage, experience, and wisdom. Also, is a woman that honors the lord in and out of season.

Again, a beautiful woman is a woman of relevance, whose influence is relevant to the making of a healthy society. A beautiful woman is a woman with a diamond heart; a heart for the people like Queen Esther. …whose adorning is not in the outward adorning of plaiting the hair and wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel. But in the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God a great price. 1peter 3 vs 3-4. Also as in 1cor 9 vs 22.

More so, a beautiful woman is a strong woman whose strength is in the Lord. One who in her weakness; being a weaker vessel, is strong in the power of the Lord, and in the power of His might Eph 6 vs10.

There is nothing more contagious than a woman with positive energy. Such a woman is a force of positive influence as we see with the case scenario of biblical women like; the woman of Samaria, Deborah, Mary, Esther, Ruth, etc.

And, the list continues. Do add your own definition in the comment box.

WHAT MAKES A WOMAN BEAUTIFUL?

From every spiritual sense, beauty is much more the crown of a beautiful life. And one may want to describe a beautiful life as a life that is manifesting God, Godliness and fulfilling its God-given purpose, in a healthy relationship network with a beautiful mind work.

Thus, the following components are highlighted;

• A beautiful spiritual life
• A purpose driven life
• A beautiful brain and talents
• A healthy relationship network

Although, these entire components may not be simultaneously in place. However, an excellence in one or more of these can make enough reason to tagging one as beautiful.

Secondly, these components mark the perspective at which beauty is defined.

DEFINING BEAUTY FROM THE PURPOSE PERSPECTIVE

There is Beauty in every woman who is not just living but determined to live for something. Such women are at peace with themselves by being what they must be. According to Ralph Waldo Emerson “The purpose of life is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, and to have it make some difference that one have lived and lived well.”

Women who are gifts to humanity are able to experience the extent of their being, and to experience the wholeness of who they really are; that’s true beauty.

In a more serious note, a beautiful woman is one who does not leave her future and fate in someone else’s hands.

BEAUTY DEFINED FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF BRAINS AND TALENTS

Its brains are beauty not merely brains and beauty. That is; there is beauty in every smart woman.

Smartness here is beyond having a good IQ. This Beauty comes from belonging to and serving something beyond oneself and from developing the best within one. There is an impacted beauty through a life of intense learning and hard work. Such beauty is consequent to an amazing journey of life into discovering who one really is and positioning oneself (by making informed choices) for divinity to experience itself through one’s life.

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.

Examples of such women abound across the spheres of academics, science, entrepreneurs, vessels of God, leaders and so on. These womenhave the power to impact lives and inspire the world even after hundreds of years.

BEAUTY DEFINED FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF RELATIONSHIP NET

True beauty is within; it is the source of kindness, grace and love we display towards everyone around us. There is beauty in being in relationships where we’re valued for who we are intrinsically and where we value others as well.

A beautiful relationship life begins with having a meek, pleasant and charitable character and extends to having a wealth of people around one’s life. Like the popular saying, ‘friends are the flowers in the garden of our life.

BEAUTY DEFINED FROM THE SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE

Spiritual beauty; which should be most esteemed, is characterized by the presence and manifestations of spiritual virtues of Faith, Grace, Wisdom, Anointing of the Holy Spirit… etc.

Women that are spiritually beautiful are fearless and strong when it comes to facing hard situations. They are confident in whom they are and what they believe, and in their example of fearlessness, they encourage others to be courageous and make a difference. The list abounds of such fearless women in the bible who by their Faith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, and obtained a good report. Hebrews 11:33

A very familiar example in our dispensation is the case of Kathryn Kuhlman. The testimony of her prayer life and oneness with the Holy Ghost is one which many still day-dream about till today after more than forty years of her life on earth. What more beauty can be more than hers?

WRAP UP

True beauty is attainable the moment we choose to embrace everything that is selfless, kind, courageous and loving about us, true beauty surfaces transforming one from the inside out, molding one into a timeless masterpiece, and a true work of art.

There is nothing more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection.

More so, we are all beautiful to the one person that matters; ourselves. We are the chief beholder of our beauty.

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not!😁

Remain Beautiful!👐

WHO IS REALLY A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN?

Introduction

Beauty is one of the concepts in humanity that is thought to be extremely individualized. Besides the dictionary’s definition of beauty, there is yet no generalized definition of beauty. Perhaps, as there seem to be no defined parameters for describing beauty outside the confines of relativism. So, the Oxford Dictionary definition of beauty is ‘a combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight’.

The motivation for this article is the fact that every woman is uniquely beautiful, desirable, and is an epitome of beauty in her own right. And just like the familiar definitions for beauty, ‘beauty is in the eyes of the beholder‘, which means the person who is observing gets to decide what is beautiful.

However, aside approaching the definition of beauty with relativism, beauty can actually be described by outlining a number of beauty parameters which have been in highlight in our Society. Which means there are generally acclaimed beauty. There are people who are exceptionally beautiful. And I don’t mean the miss worlds. These people are in every corner of our societies. And we know them by the parameters of beauty which they feature.

Strangely enough, the purpose of this article is to describe these parameters. It’s strange because I will be sticking to physical attractions; the beauty queens, the English Roses. Not on beauty from within; beauty from the character, beauty as an attitude, not the beauty from self-confidence and courage, not intellectual beauty, not the beauty of a strong woman, the smiles, the wonderful personalities, the satisfaction in one’s uniqueness, not any of these.

Meanwhile, the fact that these are the beauties to be emphasized is well noted (1 Peter 3:3-6). Maybe next time I would write on ‘who is TRULY a beautiful woman? There, we would analyze the truth in debt. We are still in the truth here as the Bible did say that physical exercises profited a little (1 Timothy 4:8).

However, the lessons to take home from this article is the same old truth; everyone is beautiful. At least, because there is no one without two or more of these parameters and there’s no one that has it all. Such beauty is as described in the following Bible verses;
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! (Ps. 139:13-16). Your workmanship is marvelous –how well I know it. (Psalm 139:13 – 14). For we are God’s masterpiece… (Eph. 2:10)

So, Who is really beautiful?

Beauty is beyond having a fine face. There are other parts to it. And am not talking about character here. Am still sticking to physical beauty.

Physical beauty which can be defined as the is the degree to which a person’s physical features are considered aesthetically pleasing is beyond being fresh, ….those features are a factor of age and environment. Everyone, including those who look worked out due to harsh conditions, would look better if placed in a calmed circumstances.

Beauty also has nothing to do with a big Boobs, a big butts, the curves, etc. It’s just a matter of time, they get unnecessarily bigger, and flattens away (especially after child births).

Actually, Beauty is more complex than one can make a generalization. But, we could pick out universal perceptions common to all human society, along with individual subjective preferences. There are beauty parameters to tell with all frankness the degree of one’s beauty. We could describe the Beauty queens like in the case if Esther 2:7;

Mordecai had a cousin named Hadassah, whom he had brought up because she had neither father nor mother. This young woman, who was also known as Esther, had a lovely figure and was beautiful. Mordecai had taken her as his own daughter when her father and mother died.

Also, as in Genesis 12:11
As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, “I know what a beautiful woman you are.

The Parameters of Beauty

These parameters are going to tilt to the ladies, whose beauty is her pride. Hoping I would not be mistaken of being personal here😁. The pragmatism about these parameters is that they are not made by any single individual. They are made by society most times through indirect highlights.

These parameters include (in no particular order):

• Good teeth sets (especially, one with Gap in front-gap teeth, white teeth, black gums)
• Babyface (especially, one that’s symmetrical)
• Pink pussy lips
• Big forehead with Longhair
• Pointed Nose
• Dimples
• Cat eyes
• Flat Tummy
• Straight legs
• Good figure in average height and average weight.

Do you really know how beautiful you are?

Wow!
There, above is the list of the beauty parameters. Who has 10/10?

So, next time you stand before the mirror, you could answer for yourself-how beautiful you really are!
You could also listen to Frank Edwards on his Christian lyrics: do you really know how beautiful you are? HERE

Wrap Up

Like I said before, the concept of beauty is complex. No attempt to describe it would be a generalization. However, the validity of these parameters is in the fact that these features are inarguably known and thumped-for in almost every society.

So, let’s hear from you. What is your take about these parameters? Are there more you think should be added to the list? Do make your comments.

Stay beautiful!

GIVING GIFTS IN CHRISTIAN RELATIONSHIP Why Is Receiving Common With Most Ladies?

Introduction

Giving of gifts in relationships in such senses as a way of expressing love is one of the key areas of irregularities and misconceptions just the same way the concept of love is often misconstrued. The misconceptions about giving gifts in a relationship are parallel with the various misconceptions about Love.

Secondly, this misconceptions is as a result of not properly differentiating between giving and giving of gifts.

Can anyone ever say don’t give or stop giving? Of course no. But with a lot of superfluity in the practice of giving gifts among Christians friends, there is an obvious need for an outlined etiquettes on giving gifts in Christian relationships.

The aim of this article is to outline and dissolve the various extreme paradigm, and erroneous practices among Christians in a relationship. Thus, in this article, such believes and various misconceptions about giving of gifts will be outlined and a paradigm shift highlighted.

Is ‘giving’ the same with ‘giving of gifts’?

For the purpose of clarity, giving, in general, will be differentiated from giving of gifts; which is an aspect of giving.

While giving of gifts connotes such acts as giving a present, Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, surprise gifts, and extending to behaviours like who puts a calls through to another, who send the texts, who give gives the affirming words, who expresses feelings,who asks for outings, who proposes, and who initiates various love expressions and love languages.

But giving in general Bible sense is offering to solve a need. The character of giving is the character of friends in need that is a friend indeed.

Thus, in this article, giving will be referred differently to the giving of gifts.

Where did ladies tendencies to being the receivers come from?

Ladies are more reserved and conservative when it comes to giving a gift in a relationship. Have you ever wondered of where and how ladies learned to hold up in everything including in stuff that is supposedly in their interest?

Tracing the origin of this familiar behavior will help us in deciding whether to make a paradigm shift or to maintain the status quo.

Thus, the origin of these paradigms is traceable to the following:

• It originated from the primitive society’s role definition: the early society’s setting and family systems defined the male-female sex into gender roles that birthed these paradigms.
• It originated from our relationship counselors: Many relationship counselors having adopted the conservative approach in teaching in order to play save have also propagated these paradigms up to this present dispensation. These counselors didn’t note the fact that Men are born with all the tender and vulnerable emotions that women have. Yet, where women are expected and allowed to withhold their emotions, men get punished for expressing them.
• Interestingly, these paradigms have no trace from the Bible as you can see in the Bible motives for giving.

Why is receiving common with ladies?

The explanation to why ladies tend to hold up in all manner of giving in a relationship is commonly centered around cautious efforts to not appear cheap, not to get taken for granted, not to get misunderstood as loose, and generally to play safe and avoid any possible hurt.

This, as noted in the immediate subheading above, has lasted in the society. However, today we know better, thus calls for a paradigm shift. We know that love is a two-way thing. We know that everyone desires to be loved, men and ladies alike.

Some other times, It really seems that ladies are more disciplined in the aspect of their self-control approach to relating with their men counterpart. Think of the feelings of missing someone and the craving to hear from them, you would wonder if it is only limited to men. It will make You to also think of the ladies that hold up to either do it in pretense or the ladies are more proud and arrogant than their men counterparts.

This is because while they don’t wish to be let down, taken for granted or misunderstood, they do the same to men.

Or maybe because they are not told that men are also vulnerable and goes through tough times where they need to be checked on and shown love too.

Wrong paradigms on giving of gifts

A person who does not give gifts is not generous or is not serious about the relationship:

Many ladies do not take seriously any man friend that doesn’t give them gifts. They would rather see them as just a friend or a childhood friend. There are cases where ladies would go the extent of putting their man to a test in a bid to verifying to their self if the man is truly serious. Notwithstanding if the man has what to give. To such ladies, no matter how much length a man goes to express his love, one that takes her out and lavish on her would always win her heart.

Such are the likes of abnormalities that should be the case with natural people. A Christian needs to consciously redefine her thought pattern.

While a generous person may have good tendencies to gift gifts, one who doesn’t give gifts cannot be conclusively condemned for not being generous.

Also, when one gives a gift, it should not be assumed to mean a commitment for future purposes. There should be no room for assumption in Christian relationship, only the things that are stated and communicated holds.

Love is sacrificial; one who doesn’t give gifts doesn’t love enough:

Many believe strongly that those who don’t give gifts do not love enough. Be it giving to solve a problem or as a present.

Admittedly, giving of gifts is a very important love language. But it doesn’t overrule the other love languages like giving words of affirmation, acts of service to one another, physical touch and spending quality time together.

A good test for love should consider all these love languages with a sense of equity. And, it should be weighed with 1Corinthians 13. Because, giving gifts on its own alone is not a litmus test for love. It is not sacrificing except it is sacrificial; mitigating a need.

To be considered also, are factors like the motive for giving, whether such a man has what to give at the time being.

Giving gifts is not all it looks like. Christians, who care for love must be certain what value it is they want in another. Knowing one another’s capacity per time and cutting their cloaks according to their coats while continuing to encourage and trust God on behalf of one another. Knowing and trusting in their visions.

This is very important because this same paradigm has an extension in another common paradigm that, ladies are for already made men and not available for their palsclassmateses, or colleagues.

Also, stemming from the paradigm of buying over the ladies heart with gifts by the already made men. The expectations of the ladies should learn to know the patient in starting and believing in her man pal.

A man who collects from a woman is not man enough:

This may basically be applicable in giving but not in giving of gifts. Yet, generally in the Bible, giving is not specified as a gender role, it is rather specified as an act of righteousness: Proverbs 21:26 “…the righteous gives and does not hold back“, and for any that wish to be blessed; Acts 20:35 “…, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive”.

The Bible did talk of a man who can not provide for his family as worse than an infidel. But that verse is addressing provision and not giving.

The same explanation above goes for another common paradigm that a lady who gives is being loose or is being desperate. Last time I checked, everyone desires to be loved, cherished and wanted, men and ladies alike.

Anyways, the parties in a Christian relationship should communicate deeply on such paradigms and adjust accordingly.

Giving is a way to win someone’s one’s heart:

This paradigm describes the wrong motive in giving where a givers intention is to buy over the heart and favor of the other.

Normally, when a man wants to get a lady, by all means, he is advised to lavish the lady with gifts. Giving gifts blinds the eyes of the receiver and brings false/temporal peace in the mind of the receiver about the giver. The Mister nice man syndrome.

This is most applicable to ladies. Giving of gifts should not be a bribe to one’s heart. While men should learn to give generally for love motive and as much as possible build tangible bonds in their relationship before introducing gifts. The ladies should learn to consciously refuse to be bought over. To do this requires some conscious efforts to get your sense down. Even if a man buys Ford for a lady, it is not all the yes proofs. A relationship that will give glory to God eternally is not built on such false peace. Take note!

The Paradigm shift

There is an obvious need for a new paradigm in the principle and approach to giving of gifts in Christian relationship both for the giver and the receiver. This new paradigm as listed below is a better alternative to the wrong paradigms. They are reasonable for a healthier Christian relationship. And, with the basis that makes Bible sense. Some of these new paradigms are already stated addressing the wrong paradigms. A wrap up on the remaining paradigm shift is as follows:

Esteem the widow’s mite (Luke 21:1-4):

One may not know what some persons go through some times in a bid to put a smile on the face of their loved ones. Stories abound; some go hungry, get to manage after they have gone over their budget in the process, etc.

When you come across someone who forgoes other opportunity costs in order to help out a need — that is a special gift already!

Everyone can give (2 Corinthian 2:19):

Christain Ladies should for sometimes intentionally take a break from always waiting, planning, hoping to receive. And sometimes, plan to give knowing that giving is not necessarily about who has.

Communicate deeply to share a mutual understanding of key matters like giving of gifts:

In areas where the fear of being misunderstood is the case, communication is the key; air your fears, and thereafter, live life true and full.

Give thoughtfully (Proverbs 21:14 ) :

You don’t need to go over your budget to getting priceless stuff. There is more to a gift than the item itself. A gift should rather be thoughtful, special, surprising and timely. It can be as cheap as a handcrafted item and yet speak volumes once it is given with love.

A story was once told of a brother who wanted to celebrate a lady’s birthday. He had little on him so he decided to buy two sweets. He wrapped it very well and while giving it to the Lady he said a number of things and added ‘because you are too sweet to me, I have decided to give you these two sweets…

Avoid giving with Alterio motives:

The difference in giving of gifts and giving should be applied in Christian relationship. Giving of gifts is best suitable for a love language in Christian relationship (between basic relationship cadres to secondary cadres of relationships) while giving to mitigate a need is more needful in the commitment cadres of relationship (courtship-marriage). Except where necessary.

The Other Gifts

There other gifts we can receive in Christian Relationships other than material things. And these gifts ought to be prioritized than the material expectations from one another. Some of this gifts include;

• The gift of honesty
• The gift of time
• The gift of comrades
• The gift of fellowship
• The gift of moments
• The list continues.

These values are to be prioritized than materials

Conclusion

I had always wished to highlight that everyone should feel free in expressing themselves in Christian relationship. For long I had been in search of an approach to explain it without sounding like another quality writer. I have waited until this time to have enough biblical line of thought to address these old paradigms.

However, I wouldn’t say I have done justice to this matter. I would like to get your view on this, comment below in the comment box.

THANKS, FOR READING!

Get daily digest to build your faith here

WHEN MEN QUIT

What makes men quit?

T’s not the firm resistance in a ladies disposition

T’s not the yes in the NO of a lady

T’s not her un-reciprocal disposition

T’s not her lack of understanding nor her weird disposition

T’s not her (flimsy) excuses

MEN quit on a lady

When the lady presents another MAN

When the lady responds with an insult

Insults from ladies to men leave a deep wound that could touch the marrows.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:29

While a Lady holds back her consent, many men would still persist and simultaneously searching for an alternative. Men could quit if they’ve found a Worthy replacement.